A Night To Remember
I look at the sun shining and
feel the warmth on my face. This past weekend was the first time I
could enjoy sitting out back on the deck. It was wonderful. I can
not walk well and become weak and short of breath easily but
comfortably sat watching my husband and grandson building a little
bonfire with one of the neighbor children joining in for the fun.
Hen the fire was just right they brought out the hot dogs and even
cooked some for me. It was a wonderful time filled with smiles.
I have seen the world through
the window or pictures my husband takes for me of the wildlife that
visits in our back yard. Most of the time I have left the house has
been for doctors visits, therapy, and occasionally to the store. We
used to visit our daughter and family (my precious grandson) often
but any travel has been painful and tiring. I worked to gain
strength but day by day felt worse. I had caught a cold. That does
not sound so bad but for me it is a fear. There is little difference
between a simple cold and my lung filling up. I lost all of the
upper lobe of my left lung to cancer and have COPD. I hear of so
many people my age who all have COPD with some barely having symptoms
and others near death. I may not be near death but wanted to keep it
that way. I also have some problems with my heart and can quickly
build fluids.
Day by day it became more
difficult to find the bright side of life. There were moments I
began to think I was more of a burden in life. I continued to try to
gain strength but even going from one room to another was a
challenge. I live in a world of pain. That is something that wears
on more than the body. This past year I have been undergoing
treatments on my back that have help immensely. The bones have
deteriorated to the extent that there was not way to stop the pain
short of killing the nerves. There pain might be there but lessened
in the areas where I could not feel it. We can not deaden with nerve
branch blocks my whole spine. This is not only a challenging thing
to endure but to accept and realize that bit by bit my body is giving
way makes seeing hope for the future difficult.
I have wanted to be active on
the internet, writing, and the new books I am working on but even
sitting in a chair is a challenge. I have wanted for so long to be
active in person and not just on the internet and the telephone but
have not been able to do it. Even if my health improved it is
difficult to find a place to meet we can be sure is available. Those
things depressed me but there was more intense problems soon to
occur.
They can not give me strong
pain medications without risking respiratory failure. The pain is so
intense that my blood pressure is often dangerously high. The
medications for blood pressure can only do so much. I have some
wonderful doctors working together to do all that they can for me.
The problem is, what more can
they do? The 'cold' got worse. The coughing was severe but I kept
thinking if I did all I could and took the medications and breathing
treatments I would get better. I am pretty tough and have lived
through some difficult times. I could do it. I could get better and
stronger. I got a prescription of antibiotics and was sure that
would make the difference. I had once had pneumonia and coughed so
hard I broke a rib. I feared the cold was much more than I wanted to
admit.
That was one month ago. I had
been enjoying the pictures and sites out out back windows. I am
working on a book of Art and Words and Inspirations. I am using my
paintings, photos and those my family takes to help me. I am excited
about it as I think there are so many times I need a happy thought
for the day or reminder to never give up and want to share the
feeling of hope.
Winter had set in with a
vengeance. We had not only terribly cold temperatures but also ice.
We had some snow but by then we had six inches of ice. The little
animals that live in the wooded area here are stressed to find food.
My husband got some bags of corn and began to put out portions out
back. It was wonderful. The yard would fill with all kinds of birds
in the day. Other times we would see deer coming one by one and then
two and finally whole groups for the food they could find when all
else was buried in ice.
One deer has only three legs.
She cold not stand and slap at the ice with her front hoof because
she only had one front leg. I was fascinated seeing the creature who
proudly survived the wild with such a limitation. She did not give
up. She came every day and as we often watched her out the window
the alert creature began to take an interest in us too. She would
often stand right outside the window and look in. The heavy shroud
of ice began to feel like a prison as we waited for warmer weather
and surviving the cold.
It soon became a nightmare in
ice. We live in the hills with curving roads. We had six inches of
ice on the ground and more falling as I found myself in a life
threatening situation and needing help. I could not breathe.
My husband called 911 and they
assured us help was on the way but the roads would make it difficult
and they would be there as soon as possible. The 911 dispatcher
maintained a calming and reassuring tone to the call as they gathered
as much information as possible to assist in the situation and
dispatched Emerson Ambulance. Every moment was a terror as I fought
to breathe. My chest felt locked as in or out was little more than
wheezing gasps. I could hardly speak and soon felt lurching and
jerking spasms as I fought to live and breathe. Every moment was a
life time.
More than ice covered roads
presented a problem as our drive is long and steep and was covered in
ice. The ambulance got a run at it and made it to the top to turn
around getting in a position for them to be able to load me in. That
was not to be as the ambulance with the attendants slid unstoppably
to the bottom.
I have fought so hard to stay
alive and be able to live my life with family and friends and do
something special in the time I have, but at that moment I doubted I
would see another day. The EMT Tonya McColum and Paramedic Adam Karr
could have called for more help or waited to find a way to assist me
but they did not hesitate. They did not wait as I fought to breathe.
They had to trudge pulling the gurney or stretcher up that ice
covered hill fighting for footing all the way. They braved dangerous
footing not hesitating to reach me and render help.
We got me out of the house,
strapped and secured with more icy slush raining down on us. Trying
to safely negotiate me to the waiting ambulance and the equipment and
help I needed was not going to be easy but it was something to
remember. You have to understand that from my point of view I could
not see it all but I heard enough to know it took courage,
determination and professional calm to do what had to be done for
me. Adam and Tonya risked their own safety but did not hesitate. My
husband was by my side helping as best he could too.
The stretcher began to slide
faster and faster down the icy slope. The ice from the sky continued
to rain down on us and there was no way to stop or slow our descent.
I could hear my husband saying he was trying to find some traction
but there was nothing he could do. One of them mentioned they could
not let me tip. There would be no way to stop for any of us. The
stretcher with all four of us gained speed sliding through the icy
night. We stopped at the bottom at the ambulance. Even loading the
stretcher was a problem as ice had frozen under the stretcher making
it difficult to fold the wheels. They got me safely in the ambulance
and immediately began care for me and to transport me to the
hospital.
I was amazed as the Paramedic
and EMT showed not a moments hesitation not only getting me to the
ambulance but immediately starting to work on me. I know after our
slide down the icy slope the adrenalin had to be pumping in all of us
and knowing how serious it could have been if the stretcher had
tipped creating even more stress but the calm was more than the
actions to help me. Even the tone of voice was reassuring and an IV
established before we even left the drive.
When we are hurt or in need of
help, those we call to are in our mind at the moment but we often
forget the courage and dedication these people show every day in so
many different situations. When there is a fire we are so grateful
but if it is not us in need do we remember these people work and live
at the ready to assist and even risk their own safety to help others?
When we are afraid or needing a police officer do we remember in
other times he or she is risking their lives every time they answer a
call? I want to always remember and be grateful to all of those who
work so hard helping others in so many professions. The people who
brave the freezing and stormy weather to restore our electricity and
so many others are often forgotten in sunny days.
When we are in a hurry and an
emergency vehicle is approaching, the moment we take to pull aside
and stop could make such a difference. The drivers are flashing
lights and sirens for a reason and every second could count. If it
was my house burning those few minutes could mean so much. If a
prowler was breaking in to my house what a difference a minute or two
could be to the outcome. What about the safety of those who hurry to
aid others? Every trip and every day they stand ready to help.
I was not sure I would see a
tomorrow but they got me safely to help and took care of me all the
way. Any one who pulled aside, if there were others out on such a
night, helped me to safety. too.
I spent time in the ER then to
Accute Care and after that to a regular hospital room at St. Bernards
and have to say I not only had excellent care but constant positive
reassurances and interactions. I was not just short of breath, I
needed help and that is what I got. I am so blessed to have such
wonderful doctors and medical care, family and friends, but also all
of those along the way who work each day reaching out to others.
What a night to remember.