These last few months have
been difficult. There were times I felt such fear and even
loneliness. I was not lonely because there were no people who cared.
I was overwhelmed when it appeared my husband might not live. There
may be good times and others less a moment to celebrate between man
and wife, but there is a bond. There is a bond in the heart that
makes Albert a part of my heart. My heart felt as if it was
breaking.
So many people showed so much support and care, it
opened a window and then a door allowing hope to enter. I believe in
prayers and those many prayers were answered.
Each day now is a challenge. That intense fear has
eased into an uncomfortable knowledge there is no way to tell if he
will ever fully heal. He still can not hear from one ear, suffers
terrible headaches and each day a new sensation occurs to deal
with.... but he is alive. He is improving and working as hard as he
can to recover. At first it was a terrible effort to walk across the
room. He would teeter and totter and almost fall, but did not give
up.
I tried as hard a I could but eventually could go no
more. The problems in the spine were exacerbated. When I overdo, I
not only get too tired but the fluids build around the heart and
lungs as well as in the legs. We were a mess. Everyday our daughter
would come and help as she could, but she also works full time and
takes care of her family too. She did all of our running and
fetching. The little grandson did all he could, from rubbing
something that hurts with his magic hands to fetching and filling our
water glasses. They did it with love.
These days have passed with each one a challenge of
survival. Even from the beginning Albert wanted me to get my novel
Danny out. He is so passionate about it, believing it to be a story
that will be of interest, carry you with each page into the life of
this disturbed and damaged child to a better understanding and
awareness of the affects and effects such abuse can make a person
vulnerable to in life. He loves all of my books but then again....
he is my husband too. I tried my best with him and the book but knew
I was getting worse each day and would be unable to promote it.
That was when a ray of sunshine that lit my world with
the wonderful friends here at home and online. There are no word to
explain how touched I have been and am, with all of the help. I have
said so many times that my books are more than just a story in a book
and this is more than promoting a book. This has been a hand of
friendship and help reaching out in a very difficult time. This has
been something I will never forget.
There were times the winds were cold or the weather
dreary, but the other day it was beautiful and warm. The sun made the
day look so inviting when Albert announced he wanted to spend some
time outside. He is able to walk about better now and the more he
does the more he can do as he works to build his strength back. I
still have some oxygen in the small bottle I use when I leave the
house. I have tried it before without it and it was not a good idea.
Wow, it was not a good idea at all.
I took my cell phone with me and a camera my daughter
loaned me. I often take pictures with the phone. Now and then I
look at all of these things and am still so amazed. I remember when
it would have been laughable to think of a phone that worked when it
was not mounted on the wall and then connected with a wire so it
would sit on a table or desk. A cordless phone? Satellites?
Computers? The world goes on and changes so quickly or maybe the
years just seem to be passing by ever more swiftly as I get older.
The day was too beautiful to let it pass by and be lost
to all of the others that sometimes seem to blend together. There
were moments and little sights right there waiting, so out we went.
Albert raised his face to the sky, closed his eyes and seemed to soak
in the warmth of the sun and gentle breezes cooling and refreshing.
I took a seat at the picnic table he and our little grandson had built
for me to be able to sit out back and have cook outs on the grill.
My daughter called, so we visited for a while and then I
told her I was going to write a blog about weeds. At first she
sounded a little concerned. “Are you really going to write about
weeds? What in the world would you say about weeds?”
I laughed and told her what ever popped in this old
head. “We are outside right now and it is so beautiful. I brought
your camera too and am even going to take pictures of my little
weeds. Well, the ones close enough I can get to them.”
She laughed and we went on to other subjects as I
assured her we were doing all right.
I found a little dandelion that had gone to seed. I
had to smile as I remembered blowing the little seeds to the wind as
a child. Someone had told me that if you made a wish and could blow
them all off, your wish would come true. I did not try huffing and
puffing on something that might make me sneeze but the memory made me
smile. I took the picture.
I looked out at the other dandelions so bright and
cheerful in the afternoon sunshine. If you really look at all of the
little petals they are beautiful little flowers. My grandfather used
to tell me how much he loved to see the first dandelions. His
neighbors thought it was crazy as they worked digging them out of the
yard and poisoning them and he would smile and say they were missing
the beauty. “Winter can be so harsh and gray, then comes Spring and
flowers. Before the trees can even really green up there is a bright
and beautiful little flower and you want to kill it.” He may not
have had the perfect lawn but he did have some dandy dandelions.
I noticed a little bee and then another busy with the
flowers and thought of the sweet honey they make. I looked closer
and saw some tiny little white flowers that were so delicate and so
beautiful. The green, yellow, snowy white and earth below
contrasting in shadow and sunlight on a beautiful day.
There are times I wonder if I might be going crazy and
others that I am sure about it. I do love roses and so many flowers.
I guess I love all flowers....even the little weeds and wild flowers
that are often so overlooked. You can look closely at the petals of
the little white ones and as you turn it in the sunlight it actually
shimmers with an iridescence. There were some that grew in clusters
with dozens of little stamens creating such an intricate sight.
I spotted some little violets growing wild. That area
of the yard is natural. The trees had been so huge that the foliage
towered above creating a dense canopy of shade below. We could sit
under it in a gentle rain and not even get wet. An ice storm a few
years back broke and destroyed most of them. The loss of such
beautiful trees saddened me. Now I see many new thing growing in the
area, as sunlight touches the earth where there had been only dense
shade. I see little flowers. Each had its season and each had such
beauty in its own way.
As I gazed at the violets I remembered walking with my
father when I was very young. He was patiently showing me many
things, such as the beauty of the little violets. Many years have
passed and many steps in life progressed, but that moment lives in my
heart and is renewed with the beauty of the little flowers.
I was not more than twenty feet from where I had been
sitting but I knew in moments it would be time I would have no choice
but to sit back down and rest. Before I did, I looked up as I had
seen Albert doing earlier at the intense blue of the sky through a
pattern of branches and buds on our little Dogwood tree. It will not
be long and they will burst into bloom. I do so love the flowers. I
love the big ones, the little ones, the fancy ones and delicate
little flowers on the weeds that often go unnoticed. I love the
flowering trees.
It was a beautiful day shared. I found such peace and
contentment sitting at the table made by two people I love.... looking at
the weeds....and seeing the beauty of the day all around.
