I have not been on line much lately and I had said before that I would try to be as honest as possible. I am sick again. It is nothing like when they said cancer, but then again… it would help to not have chest pains and fight to breathe. It would help to be able to clear the fluids and not cough like it has been for me. I remember one time when I broke a rib because the coughing spasms were so intense. I did have pneumonia then. I thought that is what was happening again. I hurt everywhere. When you are sick it is not only the physical efforts that you endure to try to get well or keep going. There are emotional aspects that have such an impact. There is fear and frustration as you try to keep going. There is also depression. It can be a worrisome draggy feeling or a deep dark place where some fog of life sucking oppression descends on the spirit and soul. How we feel inside has a lot to do with how our body can function. If I give up I will die.
Well, I am not going to give up….not today. I still have so much I want to do and want to share. I am just now getting the word out about the books. I can use all of the help that I can get. There is so much more to the story of the books. Every single person who gets one of the books is holding more than just a good story in their hands. They are holding more than the covers that I worked to make them special. They are holding a dream in their hands. I have said so many times it has been my dream to see some of the things that I write published and I am making those dreams come true. I will not give up. I want the books to be more than just a story…I want them to be a reminder for each person to never give up. I want them to know that they may have to really work and things may not be easy but if they try hard enough then who knows what the future might hold.
As I write and share these things I want to be able to share them with the world but I also want to remind myself that as hard or difficult as things may be…I am not going to give up. There are so many things that I want to do but I get so tired. I am trying to spread the word about the books and hope others will find them of interest. I want to be able to continue with the projects I have on my mind.
I am going to write the sequel to The Pumpkin Field with my grandson. It sounds crazy to think of a co-author that is six years old but I love his ideas for the next children’s story. He has heard it dozens of times but always wants to hear it again. I made that youtube thing so that I could share it there too. I messed up in a fee spots but considering the health issues it turned out all right. One day after I had read it to Zander he looked at me and said that is not all you know. We have to write the next one. I asked what he thought the next one would be about?
He smiled and jumped right in explaining his ideas. “At the end it says it was all a dream or was it? Well Mamaw, it was no dream. It was real and after he got through the pumpkin field he found a path on the other side. He went down that path and the pumpkins went with him. They find all kinds of things and have adventures and that one pumpkin that he thinks is his friend is not as nice as he thinks. The scarecrow even helps him find his way back when he gets lost.”
You should have seen the light in his eyes and enthusiasm. I can hardly wait to get started. There are so many other things I am wanting to do too though. I have met some wonderful people here on line and miss being able to visit with them but have not been too spunky as of late. I am also working on editing the next novel I want to release. I still have to think of a cover for it too. I did one from a photo I had taken and one from a painting that I painted. The children’s book I illustrated and did the cover with pastels. I am not sure what I will do for the next book.
I also want to do a strange book that is not yet fully formed in my mind but is ever in my heart. I have shared fiction and written this blog and the fan page on facebook but I want to write a book that is…it is…a little of this and a little of that and a lot of me. I want to use portions of the blog that I am writing along with things I want to share such as short stories and poetry. I want to continue with the Journey of Journey Home in a book that I can share thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. I have no idea if any other person would find it of interest. I may have to title it the ramblings of this old head. I will find a way to make it a reality. I think it will be special and hope it will have meaning.
I want to take the time to thank each and every person who has taken the time to share a kind thought and words of encouragement. I want to thank you all for the prayers. I believe in prayer and that I am not really alone. I want to thank those who have shared information or advice to help me learn and work to make these things become realities. Depression can be a problem but when I take the time to stop and really look at life I have so many things to be so thankful for. There may be some stormy weather ahead here and there but there is also the sunshine or a sunset to set the evening sky ablaze. I hope to do some more paintings, I want to paint that path one more time. I want to paint the sunset or sunrise which ever it is that you see when you look at it and the path that will lead me to where I need to go.