Early Morning

This morning is a new day. 

The sun was not yet up when I woke and thought of the many things I want to get done this day.  When I thought of the many things I need to do… and then want to do…. then wish I could do….

It progressed in an instant to the things I would love to do…things I can no longer do… things, people, times, and things in life… flashing more than focused and almost felt more than thoughts as it washed through me.

I often wake before the sun rises.  If I am honest I can not remember when I had even a single night that I slept through, other than many years ago when I was young. 

What came and almost overcame this morning is not something inspiring to bring hope and joy.  It was a quiet and lonely, almost lost feeling from nowhere.  It almost felt hopeless when the realization of all that can never be and I will never be able to do developed into more than an impression and became a distinct fact of life as it is now. 

I realized I have not stepped outside of the house now since we went and had such a wonderful time at the Plantation Theater and heard the wonderful music and shared good times with friendly and smiling people.  We did have a good time.

I love the site of the Dog Wood trees.  They are and have been in full bloom.  It almost takes my breath away to see the delicate beauty.  Sometimes it makes me think of white clouds drifting in a sky of green as you gaze into the forest seeing hundreds of trees loaded with the white flowers.  They are here for such a short time.  Why…why would I miss seeing them?  It is not that hard to find them.  I can walk out into the back yard and there they are.

Why would I miss the early morning sunrise if I am awake and not enjoy a nice hot cup of coffee and think of….    Think of????

Now that is right back to where I started.  I think back….. to not long ago we went to visit some friends of ours we had not seen in such a long time.  We were met with smiling faces and spent hours talking and laughing.  We marveled at the beauty of their new home and the work they had done to make it something special.  It is so beautiful in so many ways.  They had suffered the devastation of a fire that took from them so much.  There are many things you can never replace.  You can think back and say I should have made copies of this or that but as the flames consumed all in their hunger, they took all with them.  There are many things we can loose in life but when  you have spent a lifetime building memories it is so pleasant to hold that old photo and see it, or hear a song you composed and performed together with someone you love.  With those things, you have more than money can buy.

The house that they lost, they had designed and built together.  When we saw their smiling faces and enjoyed every moment of the visit, I realized what an inspiration they are.  They faced all that was happened and made a new beginning.  They looked until they found this or that to add to and make more of their surroundings and home.  They did not give up.  There are many more good times to be had and shared when you find friends that are special and in the heart.

While we were there I woke early and the sunrise was so peaceful and beautiful I had to take a picture of it.  I wanted to capture that moment.  It is the photo I used here. 

There are so many other wonderful times and memories.  Thinking back and looking back I can see how many spectacular things I have had.  I see family, friends, loved ones, special times shared and moments that warm my heart.  I see more.  I see that there is room for more future memories.  There is time and room to make what I want for life not dwell on what is not.  There is this day. 

The sun is up now.  It is bright and beautiful outside my window.  I am still thinking.  I am thinking that life is not what we have lost or morn.  Life is not, what will never be.  Life is every moment knowing how blessed we are to have this day.  Life is living and doing the best that we can…not watching it pass by, gazing out the window and allowing sad feelings that we missed it.

My list of things I think I want to do just became shorter.  Right now as I sit here…. I want to appreciate the day.  I want to do the best that I can.  I am going to go outside and look at the flowers.  I am going to see those Dog Wood trees before their moment of glory is gone and know I am blessed to have this day.

I have memories too… and some are so bright and shining.   I see this picture and remember like yesterday when my children were young enjoying a visit with my mother, their grandmother.  Now I have grandchildren and they light my life.   I want to make new memories by living my life and not waiting and looking out a window as it slips by.

Easter Is Almost Here A Gift To Share

I have had so many thoughts and things I wanted to share.  I still have to do things a little at a time, but I will not give up.  That is the title of one of my books.  I wrote this book as something more than a story or tale to entertain.  I had and have the desire to reach out to others and share my hope that others might feel and believe the idea to not give up. 

We can have so many difficulties in life but each and every day we have to live is a new beginning if we choose to make it so.  It is a chance to find new things or appreciate the things we are blessed to have and hold.  We have a new chance to see things we may have been too busy or blind to see before. 

I have heard that old phrase to watch what you wish for because you just might find it.  I want to look for hope.  I want to look for beauty in life.  I want to look and take the time to see the sparkle of excitement and life in a child’s eyes.  I want to paint more paintings and write more books.  I want to sculpt little flowers out of playdoh.  I want to feel the warmth and love of family and friends.  I want to walk through this life together with my husband and know and feel his love.  These are things that I look forward to and look for.

Part of the way I am trying to share these things is by writing a non fiction book sharing so much of what has been and is for me and what and how it has affected me.  Life may take a toll and at times be very painful and difficult but if we can survive and live through those times we may find strengths inside we never dreamed we have.  We may find a new way to look at the things and people around us.  We may find the courage to never give up.

I am working to not only write the book, paint the painting I used for the cover, but to present it as a gift right before Easter.  Easter is such a special time.  It is often a family time filled with Easter Dinner, candy and Easter egg hunts for the children.  It is also a time to think about what it really means to each one of us.  It is a time to remember why we celebrate this special day.

My Easter gift is to offer this part of my heart and life for free for three days and hope that it might reach beyond the pages with the thoughts and details described to help others.  I hope that as each person reads the words they too feel they will not give up…not today and that they have a wonderful journey in their own lives ahead.  I hope the feel the wonder of a new day and hope for the future.

April 4 through April 6 the book   I Will Not Give Up…Not Today…Life Is A Journey  will be    FREE

                                    Ebook  US  http://amzn.to/yf1tdZ     

                                    Ebook  UK   http://amzn.to/xcWxDd

This is the painting I used to make the cover.  When you look at the cover, I hope you see the path for your life that will lead you to peace, hope and happiness and where you need to go.

LOOKING BACK

LOOKING BACK

Many years ago we went on a family vacation.  One of the things I enjoyed was riding on as real old time steam engine.  There is a place in northern Ark where you can ride the train that is now used to give tourist the opportunity to experience the sights, sounds, and feelings from the past and occasionally they use it making movies.

My parents had given me a camera and explained to only take special pictures and make each one the best that you can.  I understand now it is to help prevent me from taking every and any picture I could click and later they pay to develop pictures of floors and other strange things.

The years had passed, but I still had the little camera and used it to take many memorable pictures for me and my family.  This trip was filled with wonderful moments shared with not only my children but parents and Grandfather.  He was an amazing man of heart, soul, and a gift of sharing with others.  Riding on an old fashioned steam engine train brought back memories for him and he began to share the tales from the past.  They had a man who told interesting facts about many things including the train.  The shock and amazement on his face would have made a fantastic picture but I was shocked at the same time.

The seats were all facing the front of the train.  My Grandfather slid his hand down touching the ornate bracket on the seat, asked me to sand for a moment and like magic the seat back rotated to face the opposite direction.  I thought he had broken the antique seat as ……did the tour narrator judging by the expression on his face.

Grandpa laughed and explained that many of the runs went from town to town and back in those days.  They did not want to try to turn every car around for the return trip and the people would not want to all ride facing backwards.  The hinged seats were the answer.  He went on to explain about many things he remembered as a very young child.  Everyone in the passenger car listened and was smiling as he shared the memories of the past.  You could almost see the little boy who had gone with his father who was the conductor. 

It was a day filled with wonder and shared memories.  Of all the pictures there is one that I would like to share.  At one point I went to the back of the train and stood on the little area at the back of the caboose.  I took my picture as the track faded into the distance.  I could almost hear and feel the time fade into the past and heard the echoes of the stories I had heard from my grandfather and great-grandfather.

Now as I grow older I have found myself often viewing times past in life.  At family reunions as a child I would often hear the OLD” folks say….”I remember when…” and “Back in my day we…” and so on.  Now when I go to gatherings and sit back and listen…we the children of the past are saying….”I remember when….and  Back in my day….”  I have to smile.

 In my heart I still keep a spot for that child that took such delight in the intricate beauty of a delicate blossom of a wild flower or the fluttering beauty of a butterfly.  I still like to play with playdoh and only wish I could run, walk go out and about and enjoy the beauty and wonder that surrounds us in nature.

I am not done.  I may be getting older but I am not yet old….(Except on some days when it seems almost to difficult to go on)  There are also those days.  I have often talked about not giving up and that we should keep trying.  I fully believe all of those things and more but there are also times that are so hard, and painful, and filled with emotions that seem dark and filled with despair. 

At those times I tend to look back at many things.  I look back to when I could walk and run and play all day.  I can remember but not quite feel the excitement at being alive….  They I remember special people in my life and good times that seemed so magic.  Memory can be a double edged sword because so many of those I loved are gone from me now.  So many I trusted, betrayed and some that I tried to help, took advantage.  Hopes and dreams that seemed so bright faded with time or evolved from dreams into nightmares. 

That is a dark place emotionally to be.  If I stayed there long I would not be long for this world.  I really believe that what is in our minds and hearts greatly affects our health.  We have to be alive in our hearts and souls to be alive in our lives.  More than our physical mortality is a living death of life with no purpose.  I ask why am I still here?  What am I supposed to do?  What good am I to anyone?  There are times I am so sure I am nothing but a burden to all around me.  I feel more tolerated than loved and wonder if life is really worth working so hard to continue.  The day I decide to go on in the next life, all I have to do is quit working and trying so hard to go on.  What good am I to anyone?

Well….I do not have all of the answers.  I can say things that I think and feel and hope that in someway it might help another to know they are not alone.  If it even helps one person…then I did have a purpose.  I do not share these things here to make myself feel better.  Some say that writing helps to work out our problems.  I love to write and would no matter what but posting them for the world is no help for me….it is my way to share…me.  If I can share things that might touch another or even for a moment help them to think or feel better it is worth it.

 Life can be so busy we forget to take the time to really look.  Do we really look around us?  No matter what is going on, there is beauty all around us.  We can marvel at the beauty of a sunrise or blazing sunset that paints the sky.  We can appreciate the delicate beauty of a flower or butterfly.  We can take the time to see the excitement in a young child, or the magical affects of their smiles, laughter or loving touch of their hand in yours.

Life can be so difficult and painful but it is also a gift.  What we do with that is our choice.  I want to be able to reach out to others and hopefully make a positive difference.  I want to have a voice and know I do not sit here alone in silence.  I want to live and be alive every day of my life.  I would like to see others take heart, hope and not give up.  Believe.  We have to believe.

In the things that I have published and will publish I am trying to share.  I want to write the best stories possible to allow the reader to sit back and see, feel and be there.  I want each and every story to be one they will enjoy and remember.  Accomplishing the feat of making my simple words into books is sharing my dream.  It is a dream you can hold in your hand and share with a friend.  It is a dream to see the cover and enjoy all that is between front and back. 

Each of my covers is also something I share.  The first is from a photo I took over 20 years ago.  The second is one of my paintings.  The children’s book is pastels and charcoal in all of the illustrations and cover that I did.  The one I am doing next I will have to see what I can come up with.  I hope you enjoy these things I share and also that it might touch you in some way.  I pray it might make a difference. 

I will not give up…not today.  I do believe….in many things.  I hope you have a wonderful day filled with smiles, laughter, and dreams that can come true….and pass it on to others.

I hope you stop by and see the books and information at Amazon or the many other sites.  You can ask at any bookstore too.

http://www.amazon.com/Linda-Nance/e/B004PVDVR4/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1326982811&sr=1-1

  If you get time to stop by the fan page I set up I shared many things there and would love to hear your comments. 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Linda-Nance-Fan-Page/162224753802546

I AM SICK…I AM TIRED…I WILL NOT GIVE UP…NOT TODAY

I have not been on line much lately and I had said before that I would try to be as honest as possible. I am sick again.  It is nothing like when they said cancer, but then again… it would help to not have chest pains and fight to breathe.  It would help to be able to clear the fluids and not cough like it has been for me.  I remember one time when I broke a rib because the coughing spasms were so intense.  I did have pneumonia then.  I thought that is what was happening again.  I hurt everywhere. When you are sick it is not only the physical efforts that you endure to try to get well or keep going.  There are emotional aspects that have such an impact.  There is fear and frustration as you try to keep going.  There is also depression.  It can be a worrisome draggy feeling or a deep dark place where some fog of life sucking oppression descends on the spirit and soul.  How we feel inside has a lot to do with how our body can function.  If I give up I will die.

Well, I am not going to give up….not today.  I still have so much I want to do and want to share.  I am just now getting the word out about the books.  I can use all of the help that I can get.   There is so much more to the story of the books.  Every single person who gets one of the books is holding more than just a good story in their hands.  They are holding more than the covers that I worked to make them special.  They are holding a dream in their hands.  I have said so many times it has been my dream to see some of the things that I write published and I am making those dreams come true.  I will not give up.  I want the books to be more than just a story…I want them to be a reminder for each person to never give up.  I want them to know that they may have to really work and things may not be easy but if they try hard enough then who knows what the future might hold.

As I write and share these things I want to be able to share them with the world but I also want to remind myself that as hard or difficult as things may be…I am not going to give up.  There are so many things that I want to do but I get so tired.  I am trying to spread the word about the books and hope others will find them of interest.  I want to be able to continue with the projects I have on my mind. 

I am going to write the sequel to The Pumpkin Field with my grandson.  It sounds crazy to think of a co-author that is six years old but I love his ideas for the next children’s story.  He has heard it dozens of times but always wants to hear it again.  I made that youtube thing so that I could share it there too.  I messed up in a fee spots but considering the health issues it turned out all right.  One day after I had read it to Zander he looked at me and said that is not all you know.  We have to write the next one.  I asked what he thought the next one would be about? 

He smiled and jumped right in explaining his ideas.  “At the end it says it was all a dream or was it?  Well Mamaw, it was no dream.  It was real and after he got through the pumpkin field he found a path on the other side.  He went down that path and the pumpkins went with him.  They find all kinds of things and have adventures and that one pumpkin that he thinks is his friend is not as nice as he thinks.  The scarecrow even helps him find his way back when he gets lost.”

You should have seen the light in his eyes and enthusiasm.  I can hardly wait to get started.  There are so many other things I am wanting to do too though.  I have met some wonderful people here on line and miss being able to visit with them but have not been too spunky as of late.  I am also working on editing the next novel I want to release.  I still have to think of a cover for it too.  I did one from a photo I had taken and one from a painting that I painted.  The children’s book I illustrated and did the cover with pastels.  I am not sure what I will do for the next book.

I also want to do a strange book that is not yet fully formed in my mind but is ever in my heart.  I have shared fiction and written this blog and the fan page on facebook but I want to write a book that is…it is…a little of this and a little of that and a lot of me.  I want to use portions of the blog that I am writing along with things I want to share such as short stories and poetry.  I want to continue with the Journey of Journey Home in a book that I can share thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.  I have no idea if any other person would find it of interest.  I may have to title it the ramblings of this old head.  I will find a way to make it a reality.  I think it will be special and hope it will have meaning.

I want to take the time to thank each and every person who has taken the time to share a kind thought and words of encouragement.  I want to thank you all for the prayers.  I believe in prayer and that I am not really alone.  I want to thank those who have shared information or advice to help me learn and work to make these things become realities.  Depression can be a problem but when I take the time to stop and really look at life I have so many things to be so thankful for.  There may be some stormy weather ahead here and there but there is also the sunshine or a sunset to set the evening sky ablaze.  I hope to do some more paintings,  I want to paint that path one more time.  I want to paint the sunset or sunrise which ever it is that you see when you look at it and the path that will lead me to where I need to go.

This is one of my watercolor paintings.

JOURNEY HOME THE STORY GOES ON PART 8 SUCCESS=LEARNING…BUT I WANTED TO PASS…I WANTED MORE

JOURNEY HOME THE STORY GOES ON PART 8

SUCCESS=LEARNING…BUT I WANTED TO PASS…I WANTED MORE

I had always loved to write but was learning new ways to develop and convey things as I wrote.  I worked to create more action instead of describing the action.  I learned new ways to look at the things I was trying to do.  When you can take a class that teaches not only information but also an ability to think and grow in what you are trying to learn and accomplish I began to feel I was succeeding in my goal I had originally set….to learn.

I had said that I did not care if I passed or not.  The grade I received was not my objective.  I was there to learn and that was what I was trying to do to the best of my ability.  Class by class I became more comfortable and was at least able to understand what was being discussed.  I loved the friendships that developed and the communications with the other students.  We went on breaks together, occasionally got together for a study group and actually did more general discussing than study, but found it inspirational and supportive in this learning adventure. 

One of the short stories I wrote during the class had suspense and mystery but concluded with a happy ending.  I like happy endings.  The instructor once mentioned that the only thing he had a problem with the way I wrote was that my writing style would make a great movie of the week.  Before I stopped to think I burst out laughing.  I told him I would love to be able to write novels, short stories and movie of the week, month, and year.  I wanted to write.

He encouraged us to take the short story that we had written and see what we could come up with if we changed it involving a different ending.  Could we develop it in a totally different conclusion with the same original situation and characters?  He again mentioned that I seemed to prefer to write happy endings.  He passionately explained to build the suspense and drama in my writing skills he thought I should consider the fact that not all of life has a happy ending.  Realistically life did not work that way.

I thought about what he was saying.  I had to agree.  Most of life often seemed as if there were no happy endings.  Many times in life there are unimaginable hardships.   I smiled and took my time before I answered him.  We were in a conference so I did not have to worry about what others thought about what I would say or share.  “I have to agree with you that life often presents situations or periods that are very unhappy, painful, disappointing, hopeless, filled with despair, and more desperate and depressing than even a writer could describe.  I may understand that better than you might ever believe or be able to relate to.  Since in some ways I have lived such things instead of creatively imagining them, there may be an answer to why I prefer to write happy endings.  My stories have conflict, problems, even pain and difficulties…but one way or another seem to find a way to survive and resolve some of the most difficult or disturbing of problems or situations.  I do love a happy ending.  Maybe I am hoping that is what I will one day find in my own life.  If I write happy long enough maybe I will learn more than how to write…I could learn how to live it.”

He thought on my answer, then replied.  “I can see what you are saying but I would like to see what you can come up with from a different point of view.  See if you can create and make a short piece work with an ending that is less than happy.”  His next assignment was to use our short story and re-write it with a different ending.

I did the assignment but still preferred the happy ending.  My second short story is one that I loved writing.  I would tell you about it, but that would ruin the fun of reading it.  I will share it soon on this blog and on the fan page on facebook.  I will say that I like the way it was written but this instructor found it to be too complex.  He felt sure most of the readers would find it confusing and not fully understand the story.  He wanted me to re-write it in a more traditional way telling the story.  I have a bit of an odd sense of humor.  I wrote the story to involve the reader to the extent that they would actually be a part of the story.  I can not wait to share it and see what you think.

I did the re-write and it was a good thing because it gave me experience to be able to look at things that I write in more than one way.  It helped me to grow and develop more ability.

The first time I had a conference with the instructor I had wanted to find out how far behind the others in the class he found my work to be.  He seemed confused.  He asked why I would assume my writing skills to be less than any of the others.

He was so shocked he was almost speechless when I announced that I had taken the class to learn.  I did not care what my grade would be because learning the skills I needed to make the novel I had written something I could be proud of was my objective.  I wanted that and more.  I wanted to be able to write many things, but write them well.

“How can you not care what grade you receive?  Your grade will directly influence your GPA.  This will count to either raise or lower your total GPA.”

I smiled and thought I was reminding him….”This is my GPA.”

“No, this will be averaged in with all of your other classes you have taken through the years.”  He shook his head in disbelief that I had not understood that.

“I have no others classes.  I am not even a freshman yet.  I have not had years to prepare for this opportunity.  I have been worried if I would slow the class down or even understand what you are trying to teach.  There have been times I took notes in class and then have to go home and look things up and learn what you were saying so that I understand what you were teaching.”  I waited for him to reply but he took his time thinking as if he was in disbelief.

He finally smiled and asked if I was serious.  He explained that when he approved me for the class he assumed that the reason I had no transcript of classes is because I was a transfer student and the records had not been available.  He had no idea that I was not in at least my third or fourth year of college or even a grad student.  They had certain requirements for the class and he was shocked that they had allowed me to take the class at all.

We continued to talk about many things concerning the class and writing.  I knew at that time I no longer could say that I did not care if I passed the class or not.  I wanted to pass the class.  I had to make and earn at least a passing grade.  I wanted at least a “C”.  I still thought in ..A…B…C…D’s and so on instead of points.

I worked.  I really worked in that class and felt confident that I had learned so many new things.  I had learned more than that.  I had learned a new way to view the things that I wrote and opened the possibilities of developing my writing in many ways.  I had learned to learn.  I still liked my happy endings.  I guess I always will.  Life can be so hard and painful that when I read a book it is almost a relief to see something work out for someone.  Not everything in what I write is happy.  Not all things work out, but we keep trying.  I am not giving up and neither will my characters.  I am even thinking about writing sequels to both of the first two novels.  Their story will go on.  The title of one is Life Goes On and so it does.  Life goes on.  The title of the second one is Journey Home.  We are all on a journey in life and finding our way home is not always what we think and may take us to places we never dreamed.  We each have our own journeys to travel and hope that home is happy and safe waiting for our return.  If we do not give up we will make that journey touching others along the way and weaving our own story.  I will not give up….not today.

 Don't miss all of my books and ebooks on Amazon.....Linda Nance

http://www.amazon.com/Linda-Nance/e/B004PVDVR4/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1 

Join in the journey with mystery, romance, drama and a story to remember.
Even from the grave, love comes to make sure the Journey Home is safe and fulfilling—excellent suspense keeps pages turning ‘til the end- GABixlerReviews
Linda Nance awakens the reader’s understanding of what greed, hate, revenge and deceit really mean. –Fran Lewis Reviews CreateSpace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/35​06777