These last few months have been difficult. There were times I felt such fear and even loneliness. I was not lonely because there were no people who cared. I was overwhelmed when it appeared my husband might not live. There may be good times and others less a moment to celebrate between man and wife, but there is a bond. There is a bond in the heart that makes Albert a part of my heart. My heart felt as if it was breaking.
So many people showed so much support and care, it opened a window and then a door allowing hope to enter. I believe in prayers and those many prayers were answered.
Each day now is a challenge. That intense fear has eased into an uncomfortable knowledge there is no way to tell if he will ever fully heal. He still can not hear from one ear, suffers terrible headaches and each day a new sensation occurs to deal with.... but he is alive. He is improving and working as hard as he can to recover. At first it was a terrible effort to walk across the room. He would teeter and totter and almost fall, but did not give up.
I tried as hard a I could but eventually could go no more. The problems in the spine were exacerbated. When I overdo, I not only get too tired but the fluids build around the heart and lungs as well as in the legs. We were a mess. Everyday our daughter would come and help as she could, but she also works full time and takes care of her family too. She did all of our running and fetching. The little grandson did all he could, from rubbing something that hurts with his magic hands to fetching and filling our water glasses. They did it with love.
These days have passed with each one a challenge of survival. Even from the beginning Albert wanted me to get my novel Danny out. He is so passionate about it, believing it to be a story that will be of interest, carry you with each page into the life of this disturbed and damaged child to a better understanding and awareness of the affects and effects such abuse can make a person vulnerable to in life. He loves all of my books but then again.... he is my husband too. I tried my best with him and the book but knew I was getting worse each day and would be unable to promote it.
That was when a ray of sunshine that lit my world with the wonderful friends here at home and online. There are no word to explain how touched I have been and am, with all of the help. I have said so many times that my books are more than just a story in a book and this is more than promoting a book. This has been a hand of friendship and help reaching out in a very difficult time. This has been something I will never forget.
There were times the winds were cold or the weather dreary, but the other day it was beautiful and warm. The sun made the day look so inviting when Albert announced he wanted to spend some time outside. He is able to walk about better now and the more he does the more he can do as he works to build his strength back. I still have some oxygen in the small bottle I use when I leave the house. I have tried it before without it and it was not a good idea. Wow, it was not a good idea at all.
I took my cell phone with me and a camera my daughter loaned me. I often take pictures with the phone. Now and then I look at all of these things and am still so amazed. I remember when it would have been laughable to think of a phone that worked when it was not mounted on the wall and then connected with a wire so it would sit on a table or desk. A cordless phone? Satellites? Computers? The world goes on and changes so quickly or maybe the years just seem to be passing by ever more swiftly as I get older.
The day was too beautiful to let it pass by and be lost to all of the others that sometimes seem to blend together. There were moments and little sights right there waiting, so out we went. Albert raised his face to the sky, closed his eyes and seemed to soak in the warmth of the sun and gentle breezes cooling and refreshing. I took a seat at the picnic table he and our little grandson had built for me to be able to sit out back and have cook outs on the grill.
My daughter called, so we visited for a while and then I told her I was going to write a blog about weeds. At first she sounded a little concerned. “Are you really going to write about weeds? What in the world would you say about weeds?”
I laughed and told her what ever popped in this old head. “We are outside right now and it is so beautiful. I brought your camera too and am even going to take pictures of my little weeds. Well, the ones close enough I can get to them.”
She laughed and we went on to other subjects as I assured her we were doing all right.
I found a little dandelion that had gone to seed. I had to smile as I remembered blowing the little seeds to the wind as a child. Someone had told me that if you made a wish and could blow them all off, your wish would come true. I did not try huffing and puffing on something that might make me sneeze but the memory made me smile. I took the picture.
I looked out at the other dandelions so bright and cheerful in the afternoon sunshine. If you really look at all of the little petals they are beautiful little flowers. My grandfather used to tell me how much he loved to see the first dandelions. His neighbors thought it was crazy as they worked digging them out of the yard and poisoning them and he would smile and say they were missing the beauty. “Winter can be so harsh and gray, then comes Spring and flowers. Before the trees can even really green up there is a bright and beautiful little flower and you want to kill it.” He may not have had the perfect lawn but he did have some dandy dandelions.
I noticed a little bee and then another busy with the flowers and thought of the sweet honey they make. I looked closer and saw some tiny little white flowers that were so delicate and so beautiful. The green, yellow, snowy white and earth below contrasting in shadow and sunlight on a beautiful day.
There are times I wonder if I might be going crazy and others that I am sure about it. I do love roses and so many flowers. I guess I love all flowers....even the little weeds and wild flowers that are often so overlooked. You can look closely at the petals of the little white ones and as you turn it in the sunlight it actually shimmers with an iridescence. There were some that grew in clusters with dozens of little stamens creating such an intricate sight.
I spotted some little violets growing wild. That area of the yard is natural. The trees had been so huge that the foliage towered above creating a dense canopy of shade below. We could sit under it in a gentle rain and not even get wet. An ice storm a few years back broke and destroyed most of them. The loss of such beautiful trees saddened me. Now I see many new thing growing in the area, as sunlight touches the earth where there had been only dense shade. I see little flowers. Each had its season and each had such beauty in its own way.
As I gazed at the violets I remembered walking with my father when I was very young. He was patiently showing me many things, such as the beauty of the little violets. Many years have passed and many steps in life progressed, but that moment lives in my heart and is renewed with the beauty of the little flowers.
I was not more than twenty feet from where I had been sitting but I knew in moments it would be time I would have no choice but to sit back down and rest. Before I did, I looked up as I had seen Albert doing earlier at the intense blue of the sky through a pattern of branches and buds on our little Dogwood tree. It will not be long and they will burst into bloom. I do so love the flowers. I love the big ones, the little ones, the fancy ones and delicate little flowers on the weeds that often go unnoticed. I love the flowering trees.
It was a beautiful day shared. I found such peace and contentment sitting at the table made by two people I love.... looking at the weeds....and seeing the beauty of the day all around.