I am not giving up in the struggle to go on in life, although I will admit that I have felt unwell for so very long now. I have some days that are better than others but every day is such a challenge. I understand depression, as I have felt the devastating oppression a person can feel when lost in that state. I know what it is to feel so lost and alone. That was not what it was this time.
Each and every person has their own beliefs and faiths. Believing in my heart that there is a God, and I am never truly alone, has helped to bring me safely through in this life and given me the strength to go on. I am thankful to the depths of my soul.
If it is not depression. There is still the question of what this odd almost paralyzing malaise might be. There are so many things that I want to write and even more that I want to do. Every day things in home and life seem more than what I can accomplish. The feeling is not one of distress or anguish but quiet....very quiet.
A friend and relative of ours was facing her last days as the cancer she had fought for so long had finally won, and it was only a matter of time. I remember when they told her she had cancer... and they told me I had cancer. She held my hand as I told her we would not give up. It is never over until it is time, and it is done, and we could make every day special. She was a little tiny woman in size but in heart and attitude she was awesome. Time passed and we continued to try to keep heart and see each day as a blessing. When it became apparent the cancer was winning and the days were numbered, I held her hand in mine and she smiled. She was weak, but there were no words needed. Two old women who had faced so much in their lives and together shared a bond needed no words. When she or I would say "so tired.." we knew that others would never fully understand those simple words unless they too had felt that kind of tired.
She passed from this life to the next and this is what I made for her.....
When the strife and trials of this life are over and it is time to go on beyond,,,, beyond the aches of the body and pain of the soul, to a place ....beyond the comprehension of what we know of this world to the beauty ahead, the peace and
tranquility, the answers to the problems we ponder in this life ..... beyond the anger or hurt to love so pure and sweet that it is, and surrounds, and becomes a part of us as we with it. A place where loved ones wait to join us and welcome us home.
I will admit that I am tired. I am still trying, but I am so very tired. She is ever in my heart and mind this day as they lay her to rest.
When I look at the title of this blog it says Thankful. I am thankful, but not for one thing. There are so many things I am thankful for it would be hard to find words to tell all about them. I am thankful for those in my life and the love and heart we share. I am thankful for all of those through all the years sharing friendship, encouragement and support. I am ever so thankful for all of those friends who are with me now in heart if not in person and inspire me so much.
I am thankful for the love of my family. That is not one that I can explain in only a paragraph or even a page. That is a subject that fills my heart.
I am also thankful for the many friends I have met here on line. That may sound strange and I have had so many people make comments such as "They are not real friends, they are only internet friends."
I have to smile as I think.... To me a real friend is someone who cares about you. They may be far away or maybe you have never met in person, but they know you and care about you. You might have people who smile to your face but behind your back, what they say might almost bring you to tears if you thought they were really your friends. You might have people that when ever they need something they love you dearly but when you need something they are busy. You also might have those who care about you no matter what and never forget you. You have a friend.
I am thankful for all of those thought all the years have and are my friend. I am thankful for all of those with me and around me now who are my friends. I am thankful too for those dear friends I have never met and may never meet in person but they are my friends.
I want to mention Twitter. @LindaJNance I did not know what to think about twitter but decided to give it a try. I have met some of the nicest people there. I thank you one and all for all of the help in retweeting the things I have shared even when I was unable to be there and return the favor. I want to thank all of those who did not forget me. I not only noticed all that you do and thank you but it touches me so much. Someone cares.
Facebook has been amazing. It has given me a place to share so many things and meet so many wonderful people. I have the fan page and also the writer's group page where we can share things helping one another not only about the projects we are working on but interesting facts that might help others along the way with what they are working on. https://www.facebook.com/LindaNanceFanPage
Linkedin, Google+ and so many other places are fantastic with so many interesting people. I wish I could do more in all of them.
There is also this blog. I titled it More Than Just A Story In A Book. When I first started this I had no idea what I was doing. I was fairly new to the internet and had never blogged before. I had the book I had published Life Goes On out and decided to create a blog. I knew that I want to share many other books I have written and will write but also more than that. I wanted to be able to share me behind the books. I wanted to share some of what was in the books not just the words or story of the book. I was not sure exactly what I wanted, but I wanted to be able to have a way to reach out that was real and was me. The books are my dream come true but I am more than the books that I write. I am more than a woman that writes.
As I have had this desire to be able to reach out beyond the pages of the books or the limits of my surroundings and have a voice that would never die, I have tried many things. I got a message from a woman who had bought my children's book for her daughter. This is what she wrote on Amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R34Z87307PN334/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=1461044812&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=266239&store=books
She read the book to her daughter and liked it so well, they shared it with her teacher and she in turn read it to the whole class. For so many years I have used this little story to reach out to others in many different ways depending on the person, age and or need. Every line in it can be used in more than one way. Just as what we see and live in life may often have different or more meaning as we get older or see more the little story has the ability to be more than just the words on a page or story in a book. That is what I had hoped but when I heard from her I had to smile and feel as if it was a dream come true. It was not that she bought the book. Of course I would love to sell a million of every one of my books but it was that the book had conveyed meaning and interest to her and her daughter... and her teacher.... and the class. She had talked to the school and mentioned to me that she and they understand that I do get tired but would love if I could write a letter to the class of children. I can hardly wait. Who knows what all those little ones will do in their lives or write or create. I am just so excited. I will write again and share all of this as it progresses.
Well, I am again tired and going to close for now. I will say that I am Thankful. I am thankful for each and every day and for what ever I am able to do in those days. I am thankful for more things than words could tell, but I am going to continue to try to share some of the wonderful things and people that make me smile. I hope each and everyone of you has a wonderful day.
I want to take the time to say, "until we meet again" to Aunt Georgia. It is not good bye but until we meet again. I hope you will remember with the kindest thoughts and prayers those who feel the loss of her with us here in this life.