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Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts

Friday, November 30, 2012

More Words about Words and the Stories That They Tell


I thought I would write a little more before I called it a night.  I have been thinking back to two years ago.  I knew little to nothing about publishing books but tried to learn as much as I could.  I felt desperate to have the chance to try with the things that I had written to see pages become books.

I had the two novels in print form and worked to make them into ebooks.  My family encouraged me to turn the poem/story I had written so many years before into a children's book.  My husband could hardly wait to see it as a book.  He had seen the way it affected people of all ages through the years.  I have said it is a little book with a long reach.

I still have to smile as I think back so long ago with what inspired the story to begin with.  Our boys were young and came home from school complaining that they were having to study poetry in school.  They seemed to feel abused with the very thought.  I laughed and asked them why?  When they explained that all poetry was awful and went on to make faces and comments I explained that poetry can tell a story or create feelings and emotions.  Poetry can do so many things you would never realize.



They scoffed and gave me one of their little boy looks of disbelief.  We were out in the yard at the time and I thought of the bonfires we had had and how much they loved stories.  I decided to write a scary story in a poem.

I tried to do more than that.  I tried to write a little poem that could be used by people of all ages and in different ways with every line of the poem.  When read simply it entertains young children but does not really scare them when at the end it mentions it might have been a dream.  It does however open the door to communication of all different subjects from fears such as fear of the dark to dreams that might cause fear.

I love when I talk to the children and read the story.  After I read it they always begin to ask questions, tell their own thoughts, express fears or feelings and more.

I remember on time I read it to a whole class of first graders.  When a whole class sits quietly the whole time I consider that a great compliment to hold their interest.  My grandson was in the class too and it warmed my heart when he came up and put his arm around me and said "This is MY Grandma!"

When I had finished reading the questions and comments brought the room to life.  I had a wonderful time.  I love to see the expressions on their faces and hear the excitement in their voices.  When I see their eyes light up it always makes me smile.

I explained that I bet they knew making good grades was important.  They all agreed.  I told them there was something even more important.  Several of them frowned and looked confused.  Finally one of them asked what that was.  "To learn...  You don't realize it yet but your teacher is giving you a gift that will last you whole life.  She is giving you something special that will be like magic helping you to do things you could never dream of with out that gift."

They could hardly wait to find out what the gift was.  The gift of learning opens doors to the world and gives you a chance to reach out and be more than you ever dreamed in the first grade.  What they learned was more than a grade on the paper.... it is a gift in life.

We talked about writing.  I showed them the novels too.  They all agreed that they could never do anything like that.  I told them that my grandson and I were working on a book together.  A story has a beginning, middle and end.


I worked to do the art work with pastels and charcoal and hoped to bring the characters to life.  I wanted the pictures to have appeal and depth but still carry a child like fun aspect to the characters and scenes.  I did many of the pages so in book form the left page was a picture but it flowed and matched the page on the right to give a full scene.


Every page in the book is a full page art work.  It took a lot of work and time but I love the way it turned out.

There are aspects of the simple little story that allow the parent to teach in many ways.  The sights of the field in the day as compared to the view at night was a fun project many little ones have found fun and a source that initiated many conversations with them sharing thoughts, feelings, fears, and questions.  I have known many children who were afraid of the dark.  When the story speaks of shadows cast in the moon light, I have seen the look of surprise as I showed a child the beauty of the night.  Is it dark outside?   Yes….and no…especially if the moon is full on a clear night filled with stars sparkling to infinity.  It is not so much that the night is dark as it is different degrees of the light and what we can ind is not nearly as fearsome as they thought.


The witch does cause freight.  She and her sister are so ugly, dress differently, and act differently but at the end we realize that neither of the witches did any harm.  Different is often something that others fear but it is not always bad. 

Halloween is a time for fun when the children can delight in a safe scary story or tale to be told and retold.  This is a tale they can enjoy for years to come and they would be able to see different things in the simple words as they grew older or experienced more things in life.

At one point a young man we knew visited.  I could tell he had something on his mind.  I read the story to the younger children and saw a frown and look on his face that I recognized showing there were things he wanted to share.

Later as the children roasted their hot dogs we stepped off to the side and he smiled.  "I know you have said the little story was something we never really out grow, because it can have meaning more than we realize.  I see so much more in it now than ever before.  When I used to hear the first line about it was the dark of night and the moon shone bright casting shadows on things below.... I used to think that was all it was saying.  Now I think about my life and realize there are shadows sometimes and it is really hard to know what is waiting in the future.  Sometimes it can seem really dark."  He went on as if it had opened a flood gate talking from his heart line by line applying the little poem to life, and comparing it from when he had first heard it as a young child and then as it held meaning to him being a young adult.

By the time the evening was over he seemed somewhat relieved.  He seemed to have worked his way through finding his own answers to some questions he never had to ask as he contemplated the meaning the different lines one by one.

When we were working to clean the limbs from our back yard we often would light a fire and roast hotdogs and marshmallows.  It was years later when our children were grown before they realized we were actually cleaning the yard.  I had to laugh at them when they realized it.  At a family reunion they were all gathered talking when I saw them looking at me and laughing.  When I questioned them my daughter finally admitted "Mom, all those years we thought we were having bonfires and we were really cleaning the yard.  I never saw it until after the ice storm and we had gathered the broken branches in a pile and I could hear you saying...If we only had a few branches we could have a bonfire and roast hot dogs.  We raced to get as many as we could."

I had to laugh and explained a little more.  "If I had told you all to clean the yard, I can only imagine how much enthusiasm I would see.  My way the yard was clean, we had a bonfire, I did not have to cook supper and we did have some really good times."

We always had extra children visit.  We would often have the grill fired up and a whole yard full by the time we lit the fire.  I loved to get their imagination going and often would think up a story or two to tell.  Then I would tell them it was their turn.  We would play a little game I had made up and called pass it on.

There is wooded area around our yard so it was easy to start it out with "A long time ago in some woods just like these....(Pause for affect and make it a little more spooky gazing out into the woods)  A boy and girl walked down a path like that little on right there.  As they walked deeper into the woods do you know what they saw?"


Usually by then all eyes were either on me or the woods as they shook their heads no and one would ask what they saw.  I would laugh and tell them I had no idea.  "It's your turn.  What did they see when they walked down the path in the woods?"

One by one they would go around the circle telling a little piece of the story they made up until it was time to let the next one take over and tell a little more.  They passed the story from one to the next until it finally came to an end.

I loved to see the way their eyes would light up as they became a part of it and realized they were making a story.  They could do it too.  Words can have power in more than just what they tell but also in what they inspire.




I have it in my mind to never give up.  I could hardly wait to work revising and editing the next novel I have written I want to publish called Danny. 

I am still not sure about the cover??????

  A young child trapped in a nightmare life had a special friend.  His friend told him, that he could call him Danny.  Danny was his only friend.  No one but Steven could see or hear Danny.  Was Danny a friendly ghost there protecting, or was there more to this entity than anyone might suspect?  Steven began to think Danny might be a Guardian Angel but angel or evil…only time would tell….. because Steven would tell no one and betray his friend, and that friend was there to stay.
          Steven eventually made two new friends at school who shared so much in their disturbed and distraught family lives.  They were about to share more as things began to occur beyond their control.
           Sneaking through the darkness of night, Steven went to his friend Jimmy’s house.  The drama that occurred at Jimmy’s house was mild compared to the conclusion of the activities he had left behind.
          Tragedy and chaos, murder and an end to life as Steven had known, erupted in his household in the dark of night. 
           They found themselves speeding down the highway with a man of questionable character as they left a life behind that felt like a nightmare with no hope.  Where they would go was a question only the future and life could answer.  The real life nightmare they left was more than they could imagine as the night of changes swiftly developed in all directions. 


         Three young boys fled in the night.  It was a night that would change their lives forever.  If it was a new beginning or a nightmare of a different kind, only time would tell….and we can not forget Danny.  He would not want to be left behind.  “You can call me Danny.”

I could hardly wait but then a strange thing happened.  I felt compelled to write a book I never wanted or intended to write that was nonfiction.  I felt I had to share some of my own story.  I needed to find words for things I could hardly think about let alone talk about.  I wanted to find words for feelings that could still make me cry.  I had to find a way to explain things that were feelings, fears, hopes and dreams.  Since I still do not know what my own future will be and we never know the number of our days I did not feel I could wait.  If I could write from the heart and it helped even one other person to see hope and not give up the book would be worth it.  Even when I talk about writing the book it evokes emotions for me.  The hour is late and I am very tired so I think I will continue this tomorrow.  Tomorrow is not only a new day but a day to mark not only my birth but a new beginning.  I think of each and every day as a special day for new beginnings and who knows what we will find.  I will be back.  I am determined to share the passion of my heart about the project of my writing.  I Will Not Give Up...Not Today... Life Is A Journey..    and so it is and so I titled the book that is me.





Wednesday, July 11, 2012

SOMETHING WONDERFUL





Lat night I saw something wonderful.  I have told about the special event planned with the writers group as an out reach project.  Guest speaker CD. Mitchell came to the Art@311 in Jonesboro, Ar.  It was a wonderful evening in so many ways.






TheArts@311 is a place for artists and those who appreciate and want to support the arts to be able to meet locally. Jonesboro and Northeast Arkansas has an incredible amount of talent in so many fields such as music, fine arts, visual arts, writing, and even the art of story telling. TheArts@311 hosts these local professional and semi-professional artists for performances and exhibitions providing a friendly and interesting place for people to share with others the things of their passions. The stage is equipment for music performance and perfect for exhibitions of visual and fine arts, reading or other performance art in many forms. 

Their goal is to promote the artist and they do provide and promote such a wonderful venue for that, but they do so much more.  The atmosphere and the people there encourage even by the friendly and appreciative attitudes.  What they are doing and developing is more than a place to go with things to see and hear.  By being there you are a part of something special and having a wonderful time with art in so many forms by so many people.  The Arts @311 is something wonderful.

The NEA Writer's Group felt honored that CD Mitchell would be guest speaker for a special program we wanted to offer.  Who and what are we....

We hope that by gathering together and sharing, we might offer and receive encouragement, support, information and individual growth assisting us to accomplish our goals and make dreams come true. It is my desire that each person find something of interest and benefit from these meetings of friends reaching out to one another sharing a common interest and goals. If you love to write, want to write, are published or write for your own pleasure or just have an interest or want to share with others, we hope to form an interesting group to grow, share, learn, and reach out.

That’s it. I had an idea and hoped it would work out to be something that might really help others.  I hope that is exactly what it is doing because those in this group have helped me so much.  There is such an abundance of talent but there is so much more.  The enthusiasm, support, encouragement and attitudes are fodder for the soul to me.  Each and everyone who comes is special.

When we think of something special I have to say the experience of listening to CD Mitchell would have to go on the list of Something Wonderful.  He would have to sit at the top of the list.  I have listened to many speakers on many topics,but this man has the magic of a story teller, the expertise allowing for in depth and insightful discussion and the creativity that works magic to bring a story to life.  When he read his stories you could see it, feel it and know the characters.  The crowd sat motionless mesmerized with his presentation.




When CD had concluded speaking on stage he visited with everyone answering questions and speaking on many topics to the delight of all.  This man has a gift in not only his creativity but in his attitudes and compassion to inspire and help others to do and be more in the projects and their creations.  This is an individual of such talent we felt honored he shared the evening with us and hope to see him again.












Before it started I was so nervous.  I was going to speak explaining who and what the writer's group is and introduce CD.  As the moment neared my apprehension and I guess you could call it stage freight mounted and my hands actually trembled.  When I stepped up to speak I can not say I am the most professional speaker or experienced but I was looking out at faces.  There were not the faces of the crowd.  They were faces of some wonderful people who took the time to come and share the evening together listening to a wonderful speaker and story teller.

I have to say the evening was indeed.....something wonderful.







I will be making a photo album of these and more soon sharing this special event and I hope to have many more to follow.  There are some exciting things scheduled and fantastic announcements from more than one of the Writer's Group.  Just one of those is the fact that Silver Moon....the novel by Jetta Stone will be available during a special promotion July 19th 20 and 21.  I will have more news about it and the wonderful author very soon but it is something you will not want to miss.


Friday, October 14, 2011

THAT’S MY MAMAW…STORY TIME IN FIRST GRADE


I have wanted to write and share about a wonderful day, meeting some very special people.   Tuesday I was made welcome by my grandson’s teacher and first grade class to read the children’s book and speak to his class. 

You would not think that would make me nervous since I have told the story for years to so many children and always had such fun doing it.  As the day and time drew near I felt some apprehension.  This was not just a time for fun…it was a time that created so many emotions whirling within me.   I wanted the children to have fun and enjoy the story.  I wanted them to be inspired enough to feel the desire to share their own thoughts, fears, feelings, ideas and more.  I wanted to be able to share with them the idea that what they learn is so much more than the grades they might make.  Education is a gift to last a lifetime and open doors to the world.

This was my grandson’s class.  If the children did not like me or what I had to say or thought it was dumb…would it be something that reflected in reactions to him?  What about his teacher?  I had never met her but she was nice enough to allow me to come and share this with her class.  I did not want to let her down by doing something that would be disappointing to her class.  I am not an experienced public speaker although I have on numerous times spoken in public.  I usually just go with the moment and have fun.

I did have fun.  I had so much fun.  As I drove home, I tell you that it seemed even the sun shone brighter and the Fall colors seemed to glow.

When I arrived at the school it is so beautiful and cheerful.  The people there are friendly and told me where to find the class.  I had arrived early and thought it might give me time to rest from the drive and walk into the school, but they told me to go right on down to the class.  When they told me where the class was I wondered if there was anyway I could get there.  If you had to pick a place that was the farthest from the door, that was it.  I was lucky that they had benches placed along the way and I could take breaks.  That was how I made it.  One little walk at a time and then rest a bit.

When I got to the class I did not want to interrupt but there was no bench down there and I had to sit.    When I knocked on the door one of the little boys got excited telling his teacher there was some lady at their door.  She was so welcoming and invited me to come in.  I explained that I knew I was there early and did not mind waiting but she was so nice offering to begin and introduced me to the class.  All little eyes were upon me and I felt that moment of apprehension.  Would I be able to do this?  Would I forget the words to the story I had written.  How should I read it and share the pictures at the same time? 

She had me sit at her desk and the students gathered together in front of me on a big rug they use for story time.  My grandson made my heart fill with emotion as he seemed so proud.  He was my helper…a lot.  I handed books to the students so that they could look at the pictures and maybe follow along but in first grade, patience is not a strong point and they got so excited they looked at each and every picture.  As I watched the young faces I was delighted to see interest and delight with some of the pictures.  They were excited and gathered head to head smiling and pointing and speaking in excited tones. 

We started out talking about what it takes to make what you write into a book.  That part threw me for a moment.  Usually when I talk about writing and what I went through before I could hold something that I had written in my hand as a book, it is to older people.  Every eye was upon me and there was no giggling or talking.  They were so interested and attentive.  They were alive with the wonders seen only through the eyes of a child and this was a chance to try to fire their imaginations for the things that they could do and accomplish.  This was a chance to help them to realize that all of the lessons and papers and tests were not just things they had to do, but accomplishments they had the ability to do because of the wonderful teachers and all that they had learned.  Would I be able and good enough to reach out and touch them?  I was going to try.

I would love to tell you how inspiring I was but the truth is that I was the one that was inspired.  They were so wonderful.  Each and every little face showed such emotion, enthusiasm, intelligence and wonder as we talked of many things.  Their questions were direct and showed they were thinking of many things that they could do and would do.  When I looked at those faces I was looking into the future.  I could see that each and everyone would have so many things in life ahead of them and who knows what all they may accomplish?  They are so precious.

My grandson was by my side and helped adding his thoughts, memories and ideas.  He has so many ideas on his own.  The next children’s book is one I am co-writing with a 6 year old.  I do not mean that I am writing it and letting him help.  The new story that continues is his own idea.  One day after he had asked me to read it to him he smiled and said he could not wait and we needed to do the next one together.  I mentioned we had to think of a story first.  We have come up with dozens of little stories together through the years.  It is fun and I think helps them to develop creative thinking and problem solving as they find their simple plots and story lines.

He looked so serious and said  “This one is about when they follow the path through the pumpkin field and go out into the woods.  The pumpkins go with the boy because they are his friends, but he only thinks they are.  One of them just acts like a friend but he is sneaky and mean.  There will be a lot of other stuff too and things he sees and meets but it will be a good story.”

WOW!  What an idea and from a 6 year old at that.  I could already hear the words and see the story coming together.  All we have to do now is polish it up finish it up and do a whole lot of art work.  I would not mind sharing credit for that book with him.  It is his idea.  We really are going to do it and he was so proud as he told his class.  I could tell by the looks on their faces they had their doubts.

I explained his story idea and their expressions changed.  Their surprise at what he could do reflects the idea that they could too.  There is no limit to what we can do but the limits we place on ourselves.  There may be some things we can not do, but we just have to find ways to keep going and do other things even better.  What we can not do one way we try to find a way to do it another way.

It came time to begin the story.  I was only nervous for a moment.  I have told that story so many times and always had the same result.  The children have always sat patiently, even intently listening to the very end.  There is always such a range of expressions and emotions cross their little faces.  I want to tell it so that it is interesting and they can almost see and feel it but not to the point that they stay frightened.  There is a fine line there and these are some young children but we did have fun.

When I started with the very first line there was not a sound from them.  Their eyes were as big as mine, thinking about what I had said…..”It was the dark of night………..but the moon shone bright……casting shadows on things below.  What was the cause……..the reason for it all……even with time we may never know.”  I had long pauses and spoke slowly as the words created the feeling and the pictures showed the rest.  I love it when a story comes to life.

As the story went on and at the end it suggests it was only a dream….or was it…..be careful and watch out for the moon.  I hoped it had been more fun than scary so we began to talk about the story it’s self.  We discussed the beginning and I asked if it really was dark at night.  They all agreed it was and I mentioned about the bright moon and beautiful stars that sparkle like diamonds in the sky.  There is so much light if you really look that you can see your own shadow…..”The moon casting shadows on things below”…It did not sound so scary that way.  We talked about the witches and how if things are different that does not always make them bad.  Maybe the witch was just an old, ugly, woman who dressed weird.  One mentioned that the one that flew across the sky silhouetted by the moon was a witch.  I asked him if he was really sure.  If you were scared of the dark and all alone and something whizzed by in the dark might you just think it was a witch because that is what you were afraid you might see.  Sometimes we see what we look for.  If might have been a black bird that you did not get a chance to really see clearly.

One little boy proudly announce, “I wasn’t afraid.”  Another answered, “I WAS… but I’m not anymore.”  Then they all began to share thought and feelings.

We talked of many things.  I could not find words then or now to say how wonderful it was.  I noticed other things.  Their teacher was so welcoming and helpful in keeping the event going smoothly adding interesting points and helping me to find things to talk about that related to their studies.  It is amazing how much they learn at that age.

This woman clearly has a bond with her students.  You could see by the way the acted and reacted with one another that she is someone special in each of their lives.  We do not always take the time to stop and realize what an impact these people make in not only the education of the children but the very lives they have before them.  People like this woman, inspire these children to believe in themselves and then teaches them providing them the tools to succeed.  As you watch her with the students you see order and organization but you also see the interest she has and by the reaction of the children you can see the love and respect they have for her.  Those are not things that just come with the job.  Those are a result of a personal relationship that involves care and that something special, allowing one person to reach out and touch another sharing and giving to them. 

When we talk about teachers….they are so much more than a person who instructs.  They are out there inspiring and offering gifts for the future to a whole generation of children and adults alike.  Their jobs are difficult but I think we should take the time to let them know how much we appreciate all that they do.

This was a wonderful day for me in so many ways.  I do think the sun shone a little brighter.  I think they colors did almost glow around me.  I am so thankful for being allowed to share such a special time with these wonderful students and their teacher and to be able to do it with my grandson at my side.  He makes me smile and gives me hope in life.   Every time he said “That’s my Mamaw.”  ( He calls me Mamaw instead of Grandma) It made me feel so proud.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and take the time to hug the kids and thank the teachers.  I thank Beth Stricker who is the first grade teacher where I read the book and  Green County Tech School.  People like her make a difference and touch not only the lives of her students but their families and futures.

The Pumpkin Field may be found at   https://www.createspace.com/3588264
http://www.amazon.com/Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1317667781&sr=1-4


Monday, August 29, 2011

JOURNEY HOME THE STORY GOES ON PART 8 SUCCESS=LEARNING…BUT I WANTED TO PASS…I WANTED MORE






JOURNEY HOME THE STORY GOES ON PART 8
SUCCESS=LEARNING…BUT I WANTED TO PASS…I WANTED MORE


I had always loved to write but was learning new ways to develop and convey things as I wrote.  I worked to create more action instead of describing the action.  I learned new ways to look at the things I was trying to do.  When you can take a class that teaches not only information but also an ability to think and grow in what you are trying to learn and accomplish I began to feel I was succeeding in my goal I had originally set….to learn.

I had said that I did not care if I passed or not.  The grade I received was not my objective.  I was there to learn and that was what I was trying to do to the best of my ability.  Class by class I became more comfortable and was at least able to understand what was being discussed.  I loved the friendships that developed and the communications with the other students.  We went on breaks together, occasionally got together for a study group and actually did more general discussing than study, but found it inspirational and supportive in this learning adventure. 

One of the short stories I wrote during the class had suspense and mystery but concluded with a happy ending.  I like happy endings.  The instructor once mentioned that the only thing he had a problem with the way I wrote was that my writing style would make a great movie of the week.  Before I stopped to think I burst out laughing.  I told him I would love to be able to write novels, short stories and movie of the week, month, and year.  I wanted to write.

He encouraged us to take the short story that we had written and see what we could come up with if we changed it involving a different ending.  Could we develop it in a totally different conclusion with the same original situation and characters?  He again mentioned that I seemed to prefer to write happy endings.  He passionately explained to build the suspense and drama in my writing skills he thought I should consider the fact that not all of life has a happy ending.  Realistically life did not work that way.

I thought about what he was saying.  I had to agree.  Most of life often seemed as if there were no happy endings.  Many times in life there are unimaginable hardships.   I smiled and took my time before I answered him.  We were in a conference so I did not have to worry about what others thought about what I would say or share.  “I have to agree with you that life often presents situations or periods that are very unhappy, painful, disappointing, hopeless, filled with despair, and more desperate and depressing than even a writer could describe.  I may understand that better than you might ever believe or be able to relate to.  Since in some ways I have lived such things instead of creatively imagining them, there may be an answer to why I prefer to write happy endings.  My stories have conflict, problems, even pain and difficulties…but one way or another seem to find a way to survive and resolve some of the most difficult or disturbing of problems or situations.  I do love a happy ending.  Maybe I am hoping that is what I will one day find in my own life.  If I write happy long enough maybe I will learn more than how to write…I could learn how to live it.”

He thought on my answer, then replied.  “I can see what you are saying but I would like to see what you can come up with from a different point of view.  See if you can create and make a short piece work with an ending that is less than happy.”  His next assignment was to use our short story and re-write it with a different ending.

I did the assignment but still preferred the happy ending.  My second short story is one that I loved writing.  I would tell you about it, but that would ruin the fun of reading it.  I will share it soon on this blog and on the fan page on facebook.  I will say that I like the way it was written but this instructor found it to be too complex.  He felt sure most of the readers would find it confusing and not fully understand the story.  He wanted me to re-write it in a more traditional way telling the story.  I have a bit of an odd sense of humor.  I wrote the story to involve the reader to the extent that they would actually be a part of the story.  I can not wait to share it and see what you think.

I did the re-write and it was a good thing because it gave me experience to be able to look at things that I write in more than one way.  It helped me to grow and develop more ability.

The first time I had a conference with the instructor I had wanted to find out how far behind the others in the class he found my work to be.  He seemed confused.  He asked why I would assume my writing skills to be less than any of the others.

He was so shocked he was almost speechless when I announced that I had taken the class to learn.  I did not care what my grade would be because learning the skills I needed to make the novel I had written something I could be proud of was my objective.  I wanted that and more.  I wanted to be able to write many things, but write them well.

“How can you not care what grade you receive?  Your grade will directly influence your GPA.  This will count to either raise or lower your total GPA.”

I smiled and thought I was reminding him….”This is my GPA.”

“No, this will be averaged in with all of your other classes you have taken through the years.”  He shook his head in disbelief that I had not understood that.

“I have no others classes.  I am not even a freshman yet.  I have not had years to prepare for this opportunity.  I have been worried if I would slow the class down or even understand what you are trying to teach.  There have been times I took notes in class and then have to go home and look things up and learn what you were saying so that I understand what you were teaching.”  I waited for him to reply but he took his time thinking as if he was in disbelief.

He finally smiled and asked if I was serious.  He explained that when he approved me for the class he assumed that the reason I had no transcript of classes is because I was a transfer student and the records had not been available.  He had no idea that I was not in at least my third or fourth year of college or even a grad student.  They had certain requirements for the class and he was shocked that they had allowed me to take the class at all.

We continued to talk about many things concerning the class and writing.  I knew at that time I no longer could say that I did not care if I passed the class or not.  I wanted to pass the class.  I had to make and earn at least a passing grade.  I wanted at least a “C”.  I still thought in ..A…B…C…D’s and so on instead of points.

I worked.  I really worked in that class and felt confident that I had learned so many new things.  I had learned more than that.  I had learned a new way to view the things that I wrote and opened the possibilities of developing my writing in many ways.  I had learned to learn.  I still liked my happy endings.  I guess I always will.  Life can be so hard and painful that when I read a book it is almost a relief to see something work out for someone.  Not everything in what I write is happy.  Not all things work out, but we keep trying.  I am not giving up and neither will my characters.  I am even thinking about writing sequels to both of the first two novels.  Their story will go on.  The title of one is Life Goes On and so it does.  Life goes on.  The title of the second one is Journey Home.  We are all on a journey in life and finding our way home is not always what we think and may take us to places we never dreamed.  We each have our own journeys to travel and hope that home is happy and safe waiting for our return.  If we do not give up we will make that journey touching others along the way and weaving our own story.  I will not give up….not today.
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Even from the grave, love comes to make sure the Journey Home is safe and fulfilling—excellent suspense keeps pages turning ‘til the end- GABixlerReviews
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Saturday, August 13, 2011

Stepping Up and Moving Ahead Part 7 of the journey of Journey Home

I had no idea what to expect when I started the classes at ASU.  I did have an intensity of purpose I thought would carry me through and give me the courage to face and adapt to what ever situations were necessary for me to be able to benefit from the class.  That did not alleviate the tension of facing a situation I have never dreamed I would have the opportunity to participate in and experience, not only the learning possibilities of the class but the total atmosphere present on the campus.

Before the class began I arrived early and sat resting on a bench beside the building I would soon enter and begin a new part of my journey.  Students came and went individually and in groups on their ways to and from….  There radiated an intensity and unity about them.  They were all working to acquire knowledge, achieve, accomplish their own goals and at home in this wonderful place of learning.  Many were talking on cell phones, some chatting and laughing in groups and others alone and intent to get where ever it was they were going.

There were a lot on cell phones.  I realized how far behind the world I was in some ways watching these young people rushing forward in their lives.  I did not have a cell phone.  I was not only lacking in my knowledge of writing but in so many other things in life.  I had managed to get a home computer and knew how to type the things that I wrote but very little else. 

As a student at ASU I would have the opportunity to experience many things available including a library that was so amazing I marveled at even the appearance of it let alone the contents and assets it afforded.  The computer lab not only provided the most up to date equipment but was staffed by individuals that were so patient and helpful.  I would soon learn to know and appreciate so much with their help that I remember them to this day.  Knowing so little about so much was not only a handicap on my ability to achieve my goals but also in my confidence of my own ability and place in the order around me.  If I had thought about everything it would have overwhelmed me so I would focus and work on one thing at a time.

I drew in a deep breath and released it slowly feeling a measure of relief from the tension that I felt.  A few students passing made eye contact and I was not met with wondering stares about the old lady sitting on the bench…I saw a brief smile or nod of the head in greeting as they hurried on their ways.  Soon others began to congregate near the door beside my bench.  Some evidently knew one another and then there were some that appeared even more nervous than I felt.  Conversations began and it was nearing time for the class to start.  Most students were done for the day so the crowds and groups of people who hurried to and fro had diminished.  It was time to head to class.

I was one of the first to go in.  I hate to be late and had arrived so early I was ready to face my future.  I did not think of it as only a class.  I thought of it as a doorway that could open opportunity for me to accomplish many things that I desired to do.  Doors can open and doors can close.  I had the opportunity, but it would be up to me and what ever ability I might have or effort to work and achieve my goals that would determine the outcome from that point on.

One by one the other students arrived.  It was not a large class but soon they were chatting and greeting each other.  You could tell that most of them knew one another from before.  They had had three to four years of college to meet and get to know one another.  I silently sat in the chair near the back of the room and near the door listening and observing.  Several students smiled and introduced themselves.  There was a friendly atmosphere.  Many of them seemed as nervous as I felt.  I thought that odd, considering that most of these students were honor roll or deans list students.  These were people who had worked and accomplished much in the years of their study.

The instructor arrived in a hurried entrance filled with authority and confidence ready to begin.  He handed out the syllabus for the class and began to describe what the class would involve and what was expected to us.  I did not know what a syllabus was.  I could tell by reading that it seemed to be a list of assignments and a schedule of things involved with the class.  I had so much to learn.  I had to learn not only the topic to be taught but all that was involved in learning and ….I had no idea what all would be required to learn because I did not know enough to know how little I knew.

The oration flowed describing the different assignments and what they would contribute to our final grade and many different things that would be covered.  One statement stood out to me as it was mentioned we would not have to review any of the basics of writing because every student there was at an advanced level of their education.  I briefly wondered if he realized or had ever known that not all of his students were so well prepared for what was soon to come.   So many things were covered in that first meeting. 

One thing he did ask was if there were any in the class that smoked.  I was one of two or three who raised their hands.  He explained that since it was such a long class they would be taking breaks allowing the students to leave the building if they wanted or to stretch their legs.

I have a problem with my back.  When I sit in the same position the muscles often begin to draw up into painful muscle spasms.  I have to change positions.  Now I may have fit in the desk but it was no way large enough to change sitting position to any great degree.  The more my back hurt the more I fidgeted and squirmed.  Soon there was a point appropriate to take a break and we were allowed to go outside or where ever we wanted for our ten minute break. I did not know until the class was almost over that every time the instructor saw me fidgeting he thought I was in need of a cigarette break.  I had to laugh when I finally did admit the real reason.  I wondered if he thought a nicotine addict could become a problem or was just being considerate in making sure we had our breaks.

I was quickly up and out the door.  I headed back to the bench I had found when I had arrived.  I could move and stretch and sit when I needed and yes….I did want to have a smoke break.  I noticed several others had joined me and we quickly began discussing.  We talked about the class, the instructor and some about what they had accomplished so far and how this class would contribute to their goals.

Time up…and back to class we went.  The pace was swift in the progress of the class.  We were not reviewing.  We were jumping into the course of study.  So much of what was being said, I did not even understand.  I could tell by the expressions on the faces of the other students that they all understood and were moving right along.  I felt as if they were almost speaking a foreign language.  When ever there was a term I did not understand I wrote it down and would look it up later.  I realized I would not only have to learn what they were teaching but would have to learn what exactly they were saying to do anything of worth in the class. 

There were some simple differences that were easy to understand.  I found my self when asked about this one or that one in the story phrasing my responses differently.  I might say that this person or that person said this or that in their conversation or discussion.  I could tell by the expression on the professor’s face I had said something different from what he had expected.  The second time I spoke in that manner he could not resist rephrasing my response with something about the characters and the dialogue, the scene instead of location and a few other minor things that made my responses different from all others.

I would remember.  I did remember and I liked the fact that he did not criticize or blatantly correct me.  He simply rephrased my responses as he repeated them in his own answer and continued his discussion.  I did not know if he was being deliberately considerate since I lacked the prior education or simply his manner of instruction to do so in a constructive way rather than critical.

By the time I left the first class I had a better understanding not of how much I knew but of how little I knew and would have to learn in a very short period of time.  I still had the objective that if I learned I would have succeeded but I wanted to do my best.  I had to try.  I had a headache. 

My husband was excited for me and asked all about the class when I arrived home.  At first all I could tell him was that I had a headache.  I then confided that I had never felt more stupid in my life and was pretty sure I was mentally impaired.  I was not joking.  He tried to reassure me and encourage me but I was sure he did not understand how advanced the others of the class were.  He reminded me that I had wanted the chance to learn and I should be happy that I was getting what I had wanted for so long.  I explained it would be hard to learn something new if I can not understand what they are talking about.  I had so many basic things and other things that I needed to know. 

He was right though.  I had a wonderful opportunity and this was the start of an adventure.  At that point I was a bit overwhelmed but began to work to learn and do my best.  The other students had been friendly.  The instructor was impressive in his ability and knowledge.  His manner was one that did not make a person feel intimidated or embarrassed yet did not ignore or leave anyone out.  This really was an opportunity to do more, be more, and grow in new ways.  It was as if a door to a new world was opening and I was actually a part of it.

It was time to buckle down, get to work, step up and move ahead to see how much I could learn and what I could do.  It was a start.