Count My Blessings

Part 2

From Then To Now and Never Give Up

I have cried. I have felt fear. I am not so much afraid to die but can not abide the thought of leaving those I love and all of the friends in person and online who have been so loving and supportive in so many ways. I still have an occasional cry but am determined to begin the journey of living and staying alive.

I believe in prayer and am thankful for all of those who pray for me now and before. I know the good Lord will be with me and see me through however things work out but am hoping and praying it will be for me to continue in this life.

The things that I am facing now and will face even more in the near future are so uncertain with the final outcome but I have been thinking back to other challenging times. Many of the thoughts and feelings of the past are now again my present.

I have wanted to write this for some time now. When I think of the title it is impossible to tell of how many blessings I have had in my life. There are some times and people that do come to mind and I can not forget.

Right now my thoughts have drifted back....way back. We would never have dreamed I would be here today typing and finding so many more things in life to be grateful for.

I ran across some things I wrote long ago. This is from

January 31, 2010 at 12:30pm

I went in on December 28 for a CT scan and waited for the results. Every time I called they did not have the results. Last Wednesday I had a doctor’s appointment and was curious to hear what they found. I was shocked. I was happily shocked. I had not explained that last summer I found out that the tumor under the aorta was growing. I have lasted so much longer than the six months that we originally thought that I had to live, but have felt for a long time that every day may be my last.

Unless you have ever suffered a devastating illness it is hard to explain or for others to understand what it is like when you say that you are tired. I get so very tired there are no words to describe what it feels like to a healthy person. You can work or play all day and be so tired that you can not stay awake, but it is not a frightening thing or a bad feeling such as the tiredness that I feel. There is no way for a person to understand what it is like to hurt and live in pain every day of your life and know there is no escape but death. Even in the late night hours it can wake you from a sound sleep, if you get into a sound sleep.

I had wanted to write books to entertain and hopefully sell and help support myself and family. I had wanted to write poetry and stories and other things. I wanted to write things that could make other people feel and think. I have tried to do all of these things. I have completed 3 novels and hundreds of pages of other works. I have written poetry and have another novel well on it’s way. I have not been able to find an agent or publisher and fear that time may be short. I do not and have not given up, but am very tired and have been very close to deciding that I am too tired. I am too tired to keep fighting to go on. I am tired of the constant pain.

When I feel like that, I get a visit or call from friends or family but especially from my angel boy. He really is my little angel. He makes me smile and laugh and look for tomorrow. He helps me to live life instead of being alive. He may never realize how very special he is, but the patience and love he shows is beyond his age of 4. He is a blessing. My daughter brings that little grandson to visit and helps in every way that she can. She never forgets us and you can see the love in her eyes.

When it took so long to get the last test results back I feared that it was not good news. I have made sure this time that I did not run out of the herbal tea. I have even increased the amount that I drink. I am trying my best, but how much can a little tea do with tumors under the aorta? Essiac tea has helped more than others would believe.

The Jonesboro Church Health Center has been a life line for me. We do not have insurance or the kind of money it would take for the usual medical care. This place has served and helped so many people for so many years that would otherwise have had to go without any medical help. We are not all eligible for the programs or able to afford insurance. The clinic charges fees that are reasonable and offers not only some medical care, but excellent care.

There are all kinds of ways a person can do a job. They can do a job well. They can do it proficiently and efficiently. The people that work at this place do all of that, but they do so much more. They do their work showing compassion, and care in a respectful and intensely sincere manner that allows a patient to feel like a person. It allows a patient to feel as if there are those that care about them and not just the case that they are. I know that these people and this place does all that it can to help me and that I would not have lived as long as I have if it were not for them and the way that they care about other people. When you talk about doing something special in life, these people do it every day.

There are other people that work with them to help. How can you thank a doctor or specialist that takes the time to volunteer or treat at reduced, (very reduced rates compared to the normal fees) people who have no way to pay what they would have to pay or thank them as they deserve. The doctors help so much more than they can realize. If you have a problem and no way to get help you have to either live or die with it. That may be a simplistic way to describe a difficult situation, but it is the truth. There have been doctors, and they know who they are, that have helped so much and did it with heart and compassion. They work and have volunteered to help because of the special people that they are. I believe that God knows and sees people such as these. Bless you each and every one.

The reason it took so long to get the results is not because I was being neglected or overlooked but because the results seemed medically impossible and they wanted to be sure that they had read the right results in my report. They double checked and verified that the tumors had not grown at all. There were no new growths. I am not well or cured, but for over 8 months things have held as they were instead of getting worse. That may not sound like much, but to me it is a miracle. If it had grown as it had before, I would either be dead or not far from it.

Instead, I am looking forward to warmer weather and our next visit with the grandson and the times we can go down the road and listen to the music with friends and neighbors. There is no way I could say too much about these people and what they have done for me. I do not think that they realize what an impact their friendship has meant to both of us. Things are not easy for Albert. There are times I see the worry in his eyes or the watchful way he spots when I am too tired or the pain is unusually intense and it is time to go home. Most of the time, he fixes our breakfast. I try my best to fix the other meals but sometimes he does that too.

I had an idea for a book that I wanted to write that would incorporate these blogs or what ever you call this journal like thing I am writing and often posting on the internet. I thought about writing a book called ‘I Die a Little Each Day, But Am Not Dead Yet…Not Today.’ I was afraid that it might be a little to real or depressing for those that are close to me if they read some of the things that I am actually going through. What I hoped for in writing such a thing, would be that others who are going through difficult times would realize that we can not give up. I will continue to think on that project. I have so many things in mind that I want to do and write.

There are so many people suffering devastating illnesses and injuries and so many that suffer with pain, disabilities and debilitating disorders or deadly illnesses. It is easy to feel alone. It is easy for depression to either slowly drift in or descend like a blanket that smothers a person. It is easy to feel helpless and hopeless. If I allow all of that to be my lot in life, then I am already dead even if I am still alive. I believe that there are so many people that never really live their lives. I want to live and be alive. I want to see the smiles of the grandchildren, hear the laughter and enjoy the good times. I want to be there to comfort, support, show love and care. I want to hold them and cry with them when times break your heart. I want to be, and do, and live. How to do all of that is a real question.

I get so tired and hurt. I am trying to write. If there was a way for others to know and read my words then I would not be alone. They would not be alone either as we share thoughts, feelings and dreams and fears. I had hoped that I could find a way to use words to reach out and touch others. I wanted to be able to use words to paint pictures and make people feel and think. I hope that I have done that in the novels and other things that I have written.

The woman who lives in the area and had the little boy that suffered the serious burns thanked me a while back. She said that what I wrote touched them all and that it reached others and made such a difference to so many people that read it that the donations they received after it was published in the newspaper were enough to meet all of the child’s medical needs. What she told me meant so much to me. I could not bake cakes or do a lot of the work to make the fundraiser a success, but if my words could help an injured child, then I had indeed accomplished what I am trying to do with that. Maybe it helped someone else who read it.

I have had a few letters to the editor published in the local paper, but I do not think that these things that I write from my heart will be read or heard. I see no way for people to even know that it is here for them to share. If we ever get the money to go on line I would love to have my own web site and be able to share and try many things. I used to sculpt and paint. I liked to do bead work and candles and many other arts and crafts. I may not be able to do a lot of things, but who knows, if I had a place to show and share, there might be others out there who would want to help and buy the things I make. They might be able to feel a little less lonely as they read some of the things I wrote or know that we are never really alone. I do believe in God and that he is here with us. There are miracles that happen every day and often we overlook what is right before us.

We may have problems and pray to God saying that there is no way we can work these things out and beg for his help. Later when the problems are better we smile and say that we knew all along we would find a way and we did. There are other times that things happen and we blame God or angrily wonder how he could have allowed such an injustice or cruelty. I do not have those answers and have even thought them myself before. What I believe is, that if we knew all of the answers we would be God, because only he knows all. It is by faith and trust in him, that we may find peace and know that all is not lost. There is more to come.

I am growing very tired and will take a break and try to write more later today. I have so much more I want to share, but it will have to wait.

As I look back at the words I wrote so long ago I have many emotions and thoughts. They would never have found the mass under the aorta if it had not been for the pneumonia that had set in. I had coughed so hard that I broke a rib and by accident they found the mass.

Later in life I had a terrible pain where I had never hurt before. It became so intense I could no longer stand it and went to the hospital. When they x-rayed my back where the pain was, they saw so much more. They saw the tumors in the left lung that could so quickly end my life. I could say it was also by accident they found them just in time....we hoped it was not too late....

When I got home from the hospital the spot that had hurt so badly no longer hurt at all and has never hurt there since.

What I had written in 2010 about doctors that volunteered at that clinic I have to tell a bit more about one named Dr. Sifford. He is amazing as a doctor and a blessing as a human being who cares for so many and helps in every way that he can. If I count my blessings, he and that clinic are blessings to me and so many others.

Dr. Sifford worked with me for years there at the clinic as I have always had upper respiratory problems. Seeing him in different times of need and he was always still there helping those who suffered, offered me a chance to know him. He did not give up on those who reached out to him. He cares. I have never known him personally or even had a cup of coffee with him but I do think of him as my friend and my doctor. A friend is someone who cares. Once in a while in life you meet someone special and he is very special. My whole family feels the same way about him and all of the help he has rendered. He is that to so many people who reach out to him for help.

I ran across another thing that I wrote August 25, 2010 at 2:51pm

I want to make my dreams come true and not give up.

I said that I was going to write no matter what and be honest in what I wrote, so here I am. Honestly….I have been tired. I have been very tired, but I am not giving up. I hurt, but I am not giving in. It is not a stubborn attitude or ignorant denial that I am not receiving the usual medical course of treatments. I have more than one thing wrong and there is no recommended treatment. My previous notes explain all of that in detail. They explain more of the whole picture.
What they do not tell is how I have been up all night because I hurt. By morning I could not take it anymore and spent until now in the ER, tests, ct scans and all of that. When trying to find the cause for the pain they found more. They found that the tumor must have metastasized from what it had been and there is another one large enough they do not want to wait at all for the biopsy. They know that if they can not find a way to stop it soon I will have no more tomorrows. WOW.. this is hard. It is so hard for my husband and daughter. He and my daughter are the only ones that know until now.
I have been sitting here thinking many things. I cried. I feel frustrated. I feel angry. I feel afraid that I will not be able to do as I have always said….Make my dreams come true. Not give up.
A couple of days ago I was so excited. I am going to have one of my books published. This is what it is….
LIFE GOES ON
The Family of five found themselves in crisis as they were evicted from their apartment after the father lost his job. With great trepidation they accepted help from a relative that offered them a place to live and new start in life. They had no choices except seeing their family homeless in a rough part of the city.
Against protest from the two eldest children they moved. The differences in all that they had known were immense. It was not an easy adjustment for any of them as they experienced moments that would test their sense of humor and times that would test their strength of character.
Life became complicated. There were some difficult issues they would have to face and how they responded could have life altering consequences. Situations escalated for different family members in different ways that could destroy them and those around them or test them and force them to make choices and face the consequences. Learning what family can mean was a lesson each person learned in their own way.
This is a story of people and a place they would work to make their home. It is struggle, heart, moments of triumph and times of despair. It is a story that talks to many of us in different ways as the characters struggle with life.
They had weathered the difficult transition of the relocation and would face new challenges as life goes on for them all. Life Goes On is a dramatic story worth reading and remembering.



I understand that publishing a book is only one step. How can people know about it, want it, or decide to get it? I am going to do my best. This is my dream. I want to publish it then one other novel before the children’s book and coloring book that goes with it. Then I have another novel completed and one I am working on. I am not going to give up or give in. I will try to keep my dreams not only alive, but make them come true.
As I am doing all of this, I do intend to keep a journal type of record in my notes here and also on blogspot and any other I might be able to start. I do at times get tired. I am still excited about the book, but the way things are health wise is difficult. I have been in bad shape before and am not dead yet….NOT TODAY. Lately I have begun to wonder if this is the day. Late at night when it is so hard, I have at times felt so alone. Then I realize I am not alone. I believe not only in prayer, but that God will be there with me and help to give me strength. One day at a time….Life Goes On….just like my book.
I am going to wait and write more tomorrow. It has been a day.

 

September 7, 2010  

A time of choices and decisions

 

Life is filled with choices. Some are big and life changing choices. Some are so subtle and casual that we hardly realize we are making them. This has been a time of many choices and decisions for me. I have been, and am so excited to see the novel I wrote finally being put into book form. There are decisions and choices...many choices...what font, what size, what templates, what about the cover, the book size, design and many more. What will we have for supper? Should I have the biopsy Surgery or no surgery? Can I wake up from the anesthesia? Can I live through a procedure that big? Can I survive and function afterward with part of the lung gone? How will I manage when I first come home? How can we afford this? Will the function test show that I can tolerate any of it? We will know very soon. The growth rate of the tumor is not allowing me to wait to decide. I wanted to get my book out. If the function test is good enough they will still do a total body scan to see if it is only the 4 we know of, or there is no use in going through all of this at all. Every time the do an x ray they find a tumor. They checked on the broken rib and there is the one under the aorta. They check a vertebrae and now this one that is really growing.... and so on.


I have been trying so hard. There are no words to tell how difficult it can be and how desperately tired I get. There is no way to say how difficult it is, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Now is the time that I have to make the right decisions. I want to be there for my children and grandchildren. I want to see them grow up and know me. I want to hold that little hand in mine and feel the magic in the touch filled with the love of a child. I do not want to go. I want to share laughter and love and good times with my family and be there for my angelboy. I don't want to go...Not today. I want to reach out to the world and make a difference.



It seems unimaginable to share such thoughts with so many people that I have never met. I have to say what a wonderful and inspirational outpouring of love, care, and sharing there has been from so many. I want to thank each and everyone one of you because you cared. I want you to know that it makes a difference. You have made a difference. I want to thank you for the kind words, cares, prayers and messages. Pray that God grants me the wisdom to choose wisely, the strength to endure and the courage to face the future and the blessing of life for another day.

September 11, 2010

I have been so tired. Mom is doing better and has been transferred from the ICU to a room. Tuesday they will do another function test and then make a decision if I am strong enough to have the surgery. I will try to keep writing. I know there are so many with problems and hardships and I hope that we all can keep hope, keep faith and never give up.

We have not got the biopsy results yet. I think that if it was good news they would have called me but want to wait and talk to the other specialists and then talk to me in person. We kind of knew that going on. We have no idea about the surgery. It has risks....big risks....I may decide to just try to keep on keeping on. I may decide to give it a try. You can not understand what it feels like to make such choices, but life is not always easy. Mom is doing a lot better for the shape that she is in. At her best she only has 30 percent of heart function now. It is hard. She knows what is going on and so does daddy.

September 27, 2010 ·

Well....mom is stable now and that was the good news....the other is that the tests are done...the biopsy showed that it is malignant and not in a good operable location. This is not good....but I am not going to give up

October 5, 2010 ·

Today I had good news and then some other news. I will probably be going through with the surgery soon....and today I got the proof for the book that I wrote and approved it. They already have it available at the one web site and will have at two others in about 3 weeks. It may be some time before it is available in local bookstores but I will work one step at a time.

I loved the feeling I had as I held my book in my hands. It was like holding a dream and feeling there was hope. The emotions I had during that time of life are beyond words. I did try to find words so that others having difficult times could know they are not alone and to never give up but there were times I was so close to feeling no hope for myself.

The worry for my mother was intense as she battled congestive heart failure and some other problems. It seems that problems never come one at a time. I guess I can think of those times a challenges.

It seemed as if every heart beat the tumors were growing and in such a bad location that it could easily become inoperable if we waited. The problem was that if I was not strong enough to survive the surgery........

At that point they refused to do the surgery. I pleaded but the answer was that the doctor would not do something he thought might either kill me or leave me a vegetable on life support.. He was right but I was desperate.

October 15, 2010 ·

I am feeling so much better. I still get tired and have been busy doing treatments 4 X a day but it is working. We will find out next Friday if it is enough.

October 25, 2010 at 8:55am

I hope to find out today what they decide can be done. Last night was a long one. My husband and I talked of many things...we had to make some decisions either way. Everyday I have to wait the cancer is growing at a rapid rate. The sooner I go in for surgery may also be the last day that I have. Those are some intense thoughts.

October 26, 2010 ·

I said that I would keep writing and I am trying. I have one thing I need to decide today. Should I go ahead and go crazy? I would not have far to go. I have been trying to keep a positive attitude but sometimes I think I am positively going to shatter into a million little pieces. Too many things going round and round in my head and too tired to find a way to stop them long enough to sort them out. Oh well, I will write on my notes, blogs, Fan Page and take them one at a time.

October 21, 2010

 

Last night was not a bad night but it was a long night. Thoughts would not quiet allowing the peaceful sleep that refreshes. Thoughts flew round and round and the hours slowed down to a crawl. It is not daylight yet but the new day is near.



Tomorrow I go for another pulmonary function test to see if they can perform the surgery without leaving me on a ventilator. Part of me is eager to begin the long recovery. The other part fears what could be. I want a chance to live life to the fullest doing and sharing so many things.



I want to step out and watch the sunrise of a new day breathing in the fresh sweet smell of the morning dew. I want to see the sky color as the new day begins. I want to feel the touch of my grandson's magic hands as we start new adventures and share special times.



My precious grandson hugged me last night and spoke as he gazed directly into my eyes. "Mamaw, I'm gonna hug you forever and ever and love you and never let you go." Now, there is the medicine that can make a weak heart strong and a tired old woman like me work to live and get hugs and love forever and ever.



His hands are magic. I told him that they were. I have problems with my hands and they often ache and hurt and often swell. That is odd because the sensory mechanism of touch seems like a delayed response. I am loosing the feeling in both hands. I can not feel when I type now or hot when I am cooking until later when it is too late and I am already burned. The tests show the loss of feeling but they do not know why or what to do. If you can not fix it I am not going to run up more bills. Even with all of that, my bones hurt. It is not a small pain but one that becomes a part of you as your hands and feet twist and swell.



A look of concern crossed his small face as he stood beside me. For one so young he is extremely sensitive. He has concern and compassion that knows no bounds. I explained that my hands hurt. He gently placed his little hand on mine as he slowly and gently rubbed watching me the whole time. "Did that help, Mamaw? Did it make it feel better?"

The look of concern and love on his small face touched this old heart as tears welled in my eyes and it did feel better and it made me smile. I told him that and he smiled brightly. "I really do have magic in my hands." Now, every so often he uses his magic hands to make me feel better.



My daughter smiled as she had some memory of long ago about who knows what, that I had told her as a child. "Mom, why do you tell him he has magic in his hands? He will believe you." We did not realize that he had returned and was listening.



"Because it is true. He has so much love in his heart and his hands that it is magic. When he reaches out to rub my hands and ease my pain ...it is with love and....Love is magic and it works wonders. Love makes the whole person feel better, the pain hurts a little less and the day so much brighter. That is magic. Yes, he has magic hands, he surely does," She had to agree.



I have had so many thoughts of so many things. I have thought about my writing, the things I have written and things I am writing and things I want to write. I think of the paintings I am doing and the sketches and pictures I want to add to the children's books. There are so many things that I want to do and then I am tired.



I want to write all of the things from my heart for each of my loved ones. I want to always be there for them even if it is in a letter. I want to share thoughts and memories from the past and dreams for the future. I need to know that I have a chance for a future. I have to admit that I am filled with stress and apprehension. I wish that I could have the surgery and be on my way to a recovery, then I think of what else might be. I need to put it in the Lord's hands and trust things will work out. I will try. I will be back to write more soon.



I am not afraid to die....Just not today.

As I looked back at posts I made through the years I wanted to share hope that no matter how difficult things may be we can not give up. There is hope and even in the darkest times we can find so many things to be grateful for.

What I found was too much to put in a blog. I had said it was developing into more of a book than a blog and that is so true. There was too much that is too intense to repeat. What I see and feel so much, is a gratitude for the doctors who work so hard and try so hard to help. I have been blessed with doctors that not only a very good at what they do but care about their patients.

My husband has not been so blessed in so many ways. I think we are lucky he lived through much of it. He just went through a surgery to repair some of the damage from when he fell and fractured his skull 2 years ago. When you see someone so mistreated or lack of treatments, it breaks your heart and is so frustrating. The doctor he was finally referred to that did the reconstruction is wonderful. Dr. Woodward did not hesitate to help him and make his life so much easier. A talented doctor who cares about those who come to him in need. It is a shame it took two years before anyone would refer him.

All of that makes me even more grateful for the care and doctors who have done so much for me.

When they told me of a mass under the aorta we did not know how long I would have to live but I am still here. It is not gone but every day really is a blessing.

When they found cancer and I lost much of my left lung we did not know if I would even wake up but I am here and still going. The lung specialist is still taking care of me and looking after me. Dr. Sifford does so much for so many. The man is an amazing doctor but more than that,.....he cares. I met him when we had no insurance and no way to pay for a doctor when we needed one.

He referred me to Pro Med of Jonesboro and Greg Brooks for oxygen. What I got was more than that. All there are caring and supportive people who never fail to help when they can. When you need medical supplies it makes such a difference when they show such dedication to their clients and really care.

I will wait for another day to share the present as I think how thankful I am to be blessed with so many praying and showing support. When I think of the doctors trying and working so hard to give me more tomorrows it warms my heart and gives me hope. When I think of the love and friendship of so many I smile and the tears are no longer filling my eyes are replaced with knowing I am not alone.

Every day is special. I am working my best to do the book I feel inspired to do combining my art and words, thought and feelings, and hope for not only myself but others. This is one of the things I will review for my own life but there are so many others.

 

All The Books Around The World.. ..A Journey In Writing...Part Three

WHAT IS DOWN THE PATH?

As I begin this third part of the blog about the books that I now have, I find it difficult to begin. If I were to tell you what the books were about, it would be easy but there is so much more to these books than the story inside. These two books are a part of my life and that of my grandson. One is titled Down The Path and it is not my story but his own story, that I worked with him to make it become a real book. The other is An Adventure In Writing. It has been an adventure in writing but more than just the book we wrote together. It has been an adventure through the years before we ever evolved to this point in life.

I think before I begin I will share a bit about us for those who have not read my book I Will Not Give up....Not Today....Life Is A Journey. I had often been asked questions such as how long did it take you to write your first book, do you have a special way of writing such as a designated number of words or pages a day or time of day, where do you get your ideas, and many more questions that are not easy for me to answer. That book tells a lot of not only me but why I write as I do and how life can get in the way.

I had even started a writers group here locally to try to help others with their projects. I did not focus as much in sharing what we have done as finding ways to help one another with what we were doing. So many, seem to have invested so much money that they or their families really could not afford and found the results not what they expected or even with their books so high priced no one could afford them, including themselves. There are so many things involved in trying to do for yourself, what professionals normally do with whole staffs of people who really know what they are doing. Everywhere we turn there are so many 'experts' who tell you how it is. It seems everywhere you look they are all best sellers and doubt, despair and eventually all of the business side of writing or self publishing becomes overwhelming. So many give up. I am an expert at nothing. I am a little old lady that loves to write, wishes all that I do could be more perfect, can not afford the professional help I so desperately need, but feel that my stories and what I have to say is worth the effort and opportunity to not give up and make a dream something real.

I wanted this, what I call a journey, to share an idea with others to never give up. Never give up on our dreams and passions but understand that what ever we do that is worth doing, is worth the work and effort it takes to make it a reality. We also have to have a passion to persevere. We have to have the determination to overcome the obstacles life often puts in our way. Everyone has a story, good times and bad, things they have to deal with or overcome. Those are the times we need to believe and be willing to not give up.

By now you can tell I am an old lady that does ramble on, since I am writing this part of my blog to tell you about the two newest books. That and all of the medications I am having to take right now, seem to affect me in many ways, good and bad. It is time to tell you about the books and the author Zander Figueroa.

DOWN THE PATH

                                                                
                                   UK    http://goo.gl/vFXck6    AND    US    http://goo.gl/6jrj67    

 

By Zander Figueroa and Linda Nance

When you look it up on Amazon or elsewhere you will see it as Linda Nance and Zander Figueroa. There are legal issues in publishing and we could not have a book with the author as only an 8 year old child. The story is really his, but I have worked with him all the way to turn his idea and story into a book... A real book that he can hold in his little hands.

I had an idea. Many people have contacted me with questions and asking for help with their writing projects in the authors group and online. When my health got so bad I could hardly get out, let alone continue a writers group in person. I did not want to give up on it. I receive so much from them as I try to give and continued it online and on the phone sharing information and encouragement. I called it a mentor program. Zander's idea for Down The Path followed that idea of mentoring one another. For me it was kind of exciting to see him as he learned and worked to make something real of his idea.

If an 8 year old child could do this, and it really be him working, instead of his idea and me using it to write a book..... I wanted to share that too. That is the next book I will tell you about.... An Adventure In Writing.

How did Down The Path become a book? Here I go trying to share what was so special between grandson and grandmother. He calls me Mamaw. He started calling me that when he was learning to talk. I like it and to him I am his Mamaw.

When Zander was barely able to hold a color in his little hand, we would make coloring pictures. I would do drawings and he would scribble across, excited as we talked about what ever the picture was that he was coloring. As we did that, he not only was entertained but he was learning. He learned colors and numbers and many things. Some day I want to publish the Easter Book I did originally as coloring pages but later did the pages that would be perfect for a book about an Easter Bunny and all of the eggs. It is a wonderful way to learn colors and counting. They can also use it to develop their own imaginations and stories as you ask them about what they are doing. Where did the path go, how many colors were the eggs or what ever comes to mind involving them and allowing them to use their own thoughts and imaginations to make it more. “What else do you think they found down the path is a good question to get them going.

I had published my own book. I told him he could too, if he was willing to work hard enough and learn so that he could one day have his own book. We made hundreds of 'books' if not more, by coloring pages and thinking of the stories that go with them and then I would staple them together. He was writing and making books. He was such a little guy working with his Mamaw.   One day he looked up with a sad expression on his face after we had worked making his pictures with the story for his book, we stapled together. I asked him what the problem was.

He looked so sad. “I love to do these with you, Mamaw. They are not real books though.”

I asked him why he thought they were not real books. He came up with the stories and even colored the pictures. I may have been the one to draw them but it was he who decided what the pictures were to be with the stories.

I almost laughed but knew I could not as he answered. “It is never a real book until you have your picture on the back.” I think back to that time and it makes me smile. Having a real book is so much more than having your picture on the back but at that time, for a young child it was what made it real for him.

I tried using my copier to make a last page for the stories he was doing with his picture on it before I stapled then together but he told me sadly, “It is just not the same thing, Mamaw.”

In many ways he was more right than I realized at the time. To make it a real book, is not what is on the cover, but what is in the pages within. It is more than just a story in a book, but working to make it the best that it can be. I tried to share what we were doing and hope it helps other young and old in writing.

Many years ago I wrote a poem about a haunted pumpkin field. I have told about that in the first part of this 3 part blog. The Pumpkin Field has entertained family, friends, neighbors and even been used in a State Park during their Halloween program.

I realized the only thing that kept it a poem instead of a children's story, were the illustrations. The illustrations may be simple pictures but you would not believe the heart that I put into each one. Little Zander grew up with that book and story. (It also has my picture on the back)

I have said many times that that book was written to inspire children to share thoughts, feelings and learn. I took such delight with my little grandson I did as his mother before him with the story. As the years passed there were different questions and thoughts shared but the little book remained a part of his interest and life. We talked about fears and how to conquer them such as fear of the dark. We also talked about the witch. She hurts no one and look scary and different. People assume she is a witch. Maybe she is and then maybe she is just different. She is old, ugly and dresses oddly. If someone is different, it is not always a reason to hate of fear them but so many people react in that way. In that story, the character follows a path into a pumpkin field and then the story begins.

I may at times ramble on and get off track but this time there is a reason for me sharing all of this. Down that path in the pumpkin field sparked something in this little boy's imagination. He told me, “That was not the end of the story.” He said it with such passion that he had my curiosity up.

“Tell me more. What do you think happened?”

He was so excited as he told me, “Things are not always as they seem. The pumpkins seem so nice, but there is one that is not nice at all. There is one that in nothing but trouble.”

I remind him that in the end of the story it says maybe it was only a dream.

He got all excited and told me, “It was not a dream. There is more to this story. There is a lot more.”

At that time he had one idea but time passes. He still has the idea for what we had talked about but as he got a little older and his reading ability increased so did his desire to write in the same way. He explained that we could still do a picture book for the little kids but he had so many more ideas we needed to do a different story. There is still a path and a child that goes down that path to an adventure. He already had the idea for Beyond The Path with the origional story.

This story of Down The Path is written for children to read but I am amazed and inspired to think that adults can also find meaning and interest in the story. There are so many little aspects he found a way to incorporate that relate to children and adults.

We live in a very rural area with vast areas of thickly wooded areas behind our house. It would be easy for anyone to get lost in the woods. We often see wildlife of many kinds. For many years I had a creature that would visit me that I thought of a friendly that was a bear. It is no place to get lost or for a child to adventure alone. He comes here each day after school until his mother gets off work. He has been raised understanding you do not go into the woods alone. In reality he is rarely outside playing alone but we have taught him this since he was a wee one.

In his story the children did not listen to their parents. The did not think they were doing wrong, as they followed their little dog down a path into the woods. The did not intend to get lost. They were just having fun.....but.....they went down the path. Once they got deeper into the woods they were lost and frightened and alone. They did not know how to get home. They did not know what to do.

I do not want to spoil the story for you. It is written so that a child could read it, but also so an adult could use it to share many things. I have been pleasantly amazed with the complexity of his story line and the depth he found for his characters. He had reasons for every part of his story.We worked very hard developing and talking about making the story feel real.   Knowing that he and his 'Papaw' grandfather have always talked about nature, animals and many things like and adventure, gives an insight into how he wrote what he did. We had a pet squirrel that Albert (Grandpa....Papaw) had rescued for a long time.Little Zander can look at the foot print or track of a deer passing in the woods and tell if it is a buck or a doe.

This is a tale for young and old alike, sharing the story of two young children and the discoveries they make down the path they take. In the end, I do hope I am not spoiling the story, but can not resist explaining some things. I asked him, “Was it an angel, a ghost, or just their imagination?”

He did not hesitate saying what he believed. He said, If we say a prayer to God, he will always hear us but not always answer like we think. Sometimes we just have to believe. Sometimes we have to stand up to mean people who want to hurt our feelings too.”

He had said things better in that moment and with his own little story than I ever could have done alone. He saw things through the eyes of a child about issues much bigger. He knows he should listen to his parents and grandparents but sometimes we all make the mistake of thinking it will not hurt....just this one time..... 

 The faith of a child and the ability to share it, makes me smile.  We may each have different beliefs but to see this pure expression from one so young, is an inspiration to me, even if he was not my grandson.

 

Having the idea and the story was just the beginning. I explained that he knew the story and he had an idea, but to make it into a book would take a lot more than what we had. He would have to learn new things and how to use them. He would have to find a way to make the characters real and the story come to life.

To do all of that we worked. We worked for a long time learning and writing and developing it to be more than it started. I decided to write also about that. I included him as a coauthor, because it was about him and our journey and adventure in him making real books with his picture on the back too.  That book is called An Adventure In Writing.

 

 

UK http://goo.gl/xGHR4x    US http://goo.gl/Jzn7kR

I had said that this would be a 3 part blog but I am really feeling distress and it is nearly time I can do no more. I think it will be a 4 part blog. I want to share the first part of his story and let you decide for yourselves if he really has developed the characters, story, and if you would like to read more sharing this adventure of a little boy who loves to share his stories........

                                              DOWN THE PATH

CHAPTER 1

A New Adventure

         Cooper just had a birthday and turned ten years old. He had a friend that was a girl named Jenny. Jenny was only seven years old but they had fun playing together and loved to play with Cooper's dog.

        His dog was named Floppy because he had big floppy ears. Floppy loves to go with them on adventures.

      The children loved to play in the yard and could go for short walks from Cooper's house to Jenny's house. They were not allowed to go far and were never allowed to go into the woods near where they lived.

     Their mom's and dad's were afraid they might get lost or something bad could happen to them. They wanted them to always be safe.

      They were playing in yard with Floppy when began to bark and ran into the woods behind Cooper's house. 

   “I think he wants us to go with him or follow him. I know we are not supposed to go in the woods, but we will only go a little way. We have to see where he is going and what he is doing. Do you want to go?” Cooper asked Jenny with a big smile. Copper was excited and thought it would be fun.

Jenny looked at Floppy jumping up and down at the edge of the woods as he wagged his tail. She smiled as she answered, “Let's go.

We will not be gone long or go far.” Jenny had no sooner finished answering when Floppy ran back to the children wagging his tail and barking lively. Before she could say more Floppy ran back to the woods and down the path into the woods.

Both Cooper and Jenny got excited and ran to follow. They were in such a hurry they did not notice a wooden sign beside a big tree near the path they were on. The sign was old and part of it was broken. The letters on

the sign were faded. The letters on the sign were a warning. The sign said, “DANGER.” The part of the sign that said what the danger was had broken off years before. Who knows what danger lies ahead, but danger was waiting.

           Chasing after the dog was fun but the children ran farther than they had planned down the path. Some places in the path would have more than one way that they could go. The could go to the right or they could go to the left. Some places had brush that had grown up and the path

was hard to see at all. They were having so much fun they did not pay attention to what way they were going or what way they had come.

Floppy was having fun too. He had chased a pretty butterfly down the path. He had chased leaves that the breeze had blown down the path. He really had fun when he found a little squirrel.

He did not want to hurt the little squirrel. He wanted to play. The squirrel was very fast. It ran across and up a tree. The squirrel dashed to a big branch running out to the very tip of the tree limb. The little squirrel looked like a fuzzy little toy with bright eyes. It had a big fluffy tail that twitched back and forth as it peered down from the branch at the children and barking dog. It had paused at the very tip of the long branch looking at them for only a moment, as Floppy pranced and barked with his excitement.

Jenny giggled as she watched both the dog and the little squirrel. “I think I will call that little squirrel, Fuzzy Tail.” As soon as she spoke, they little creature made a might leap into the air landing on the very tip of a long branch in the tree next to where it had been.

The adventure began as little Fuzzy Tail jumped lively from branch to branch and tree to tree.

Floppy chased the squirrel and the children chased the dog laughing and having fun. The little squirrel they called Fuzzy Tail, finally got high enough and far enough away that Floppy lost interest.

Floppy sat down to take a break from the chase with the two children joining him. Jenny gently petted him and rubbed his ears. She loved to rub him on the ears because they were velvety soft. He loved to have her attention and did loved if she rubbed his ears, tummy or back. Cooper sat on one side and Jenny sat on the other enjoying their adventure.

The shadows of the trees seemed to be getting longer. As Cooper looked off into the woods, he noticed it seemed darker than before. Jenny noticed the pretty colors in the sky that she often saw at supper time as the sun would set before it got dark for the night.

CHAPTER 2

Story Break and a Little Fun

I will tell more of the story but before I do we could have a little fun.

How far from home had they come? Could they find their way back home? What were all of the turns in the path they had taken that brought them to where they were? How would they find their way back home? How much longer would it be before it got dark?

How dark was it way back in the woods?

I hope you will join me with Cooper, Jenny, and Floppy on their great adventure down the path in the woods but there is one problem.

I want to wait before I tell you the rest of the story. What if this is as far as I got when I was writing? If you think about it and can imagine what they must have been thinking and feeling, there are so many ways the story could go. If you want to have a little fun... try to make up your own story from here and see what you come up with for an ending. Writing is fun.

Do they ever see Fuzzy Tail again? How long does it take for them to find their way home? Will they have to be rescued? What else do they find in the woods? When it is over will they remember to listen and do as their mothers and fathers tell them?

Do they find out what the danger is the sign warned them about when they first started down the path?

So many questions and so many possible answers before they find their way back home and the end of their great adventure DOWN THE PATH.

I hope you have fun if you decide to write your own ending but it is time for me to continue with this story and go back DOWN THE PATH on the adventure of Cooper, Jenny and Floppy.

CHAPTER 3

Lost and Alone?

Floppy looked up at Jenny wagging his tale. She paused petting the little dog frowning as she looked at the beautiful colors of the setting sun. “Cooper, It is getting late. I think we should get back home. It will not be long before it gets dark.. We are probably already in trouble if mom and dad noticed we are not still in the yard playing.”

Cooper had not noticed the setting sun but quickly got to his feet stretching from where he had been comfortably resting. “Wow, I did not realize how late it is getting.” He looked into the thick woods first one direction and then another as a frown creased his brow.

“You do know how to get back, don't you?” Jenny was beginning to worry as she saw him looking first one direction and then another.

“Sure I do. I think we need to go back down this path here.” He pointed and began walking. Floppy followed wagging his tale.

The little path soon became almost impassable and they knew with out a doubt that was not the way home. Jenny felt an urge for tears thinking they might actually be lost. “This is not the way home. I have no idea which direction home even is. We made so many turns this way and that I don't know how we will ever find our way home and it will be dark soon.”

Cooper stood close to Jenny feeling the same fear gazing at the setting sun. “It will be alright. I know we will find the right path. We can go back to where we started and just follow the other way.” He did not feel the confidence he was trying to share with Jenny as they quickly tried to retrace their way back. Floppy had had a fun day and was tired enough he had stopped looking for adventures and things to follow as he happily trotted between the two children.

Jenny could not longer contain her anxiety as she looked at the long shadows the trees cast and the darkness that lay beyond in the woods that surrounded them. “What are we going to do? We should have listened to our mom and dads. Nobody even knows we are here. We don't even know where we are. I will be dark soon.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. Cooper felt responsible. It had been his idea to have an adventure. “We will be alright. We may be in trouble when we get home but we will get home. We just have to stay calm and get going. We need to go this way here.” He pointed to a narrow path leading into the woods and hoped it was the path that would lead them home.

Every little opening in the brush looked like a path to the children and they hoped it would lead them home as the went this way and that, working farther and farther into the dense forest. The two children and little dog stood quietly thinking their own thoughts and feeling their own fears.

Floppy felt no fears. He was just tired from a full day chasing butterflies and Fluffy the squirrel.

Standing still they heard foot steps beyond in the forest. Fear shown in their eyes as they dared not utter a sound.

Floppy had no fear and felt a surge of energy for the chase after the unknown footsteps. He bounded into the thick brush as a large dear dashed away from the little dog and the chase was on. Cooper ran after Floppy calling for him to stop but the little dog was quickly out of sight.

It was a relief to know that the footstep sounds were that of the deer and not some terrible monster but the relief was short lived. Cooper could feel tears burn his eyes as he was the shadows growing darker and his hopes dimming. “I don't know what to do. I thought we could find our way home but have no idea which way to go.”

When he saw the tears slowly running down little Jenny's face and the tremor of her shoulders he quickly put his arms around her. “Even if we yell as loud as we can I don't think anyone would hear us but last Sunday in Sunday School, our teacher told us when ever we say a prayer and talk to God he always listens. He could hear us. He could help us get home.” Cooper watched as Jenny dried her tears.

“Do you really think God will listen and help us?” She reached out and held his hand in hers.

He smiled and hope she felt encouraged as the fear he felt seemed to dim all hope he really felt. “I can not see how it would hurt. Do you want to say it or me?”

She tightened her grip on his hand. “You say it. I don't know what to say other than I want to go home. It is getting dark now and I am so afraid.”

He smiled. “Our teacher said he always listens and when he answers it may not be as we expect but he never forsakes us. I'll do the best prayer that I can.”

They held hands and closed their eyes as he began. “Dear God, I know we should have listened to our moms and dads and we are very sorry but we need your help. We need your help real bad. We are lost, God. We are lost and don't know how to get home. Please God, help us find our way home. I promise we will never go into the woods again unless Mom and Dad are with us. One more thing, could you please bring Floppy back. We love him and he needs to go home with us too.”

As he finished his prayer they heard a sound that put a chill in their hearts. A long drawn out howl of a wolf pierced the stillness of the forest. The children uttered not a sound as their fearful gazed locked one to the other. Cooper wanted to call out to Floppy but was afraid to make a sound.

In a whispered voice Cooper spoke in urgent tones. “Dear God, please help us. We need to get home. Help us, please. Amen.”

As he finished his prayer they again heard the chilling sound of the wolf but it was closer. It was so close both children crouched between the closely growing trees near where they were standing. The three trees grew so close that the base of the trunks nearly touched with the children cowering in closely between them.

CHAPTER 4

An Answer to Their Prayers or More Danger

Jenny turned her face to Cooper ducking her head and burying her face against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her with his head on hers and tears running down his own face. The children trembled in fear as they heard footsteps coming closer and closer in the brush. The shadows were so dark they could hardly see beyond where they sat and were afraid to look.

Hearing the steps ever so close they sat with their eyes tightly closed waiting for what ever was coming. Jenny's shoulders shook with silent sobs.

The footsteps stopped. They could tell by the sound that whatever it was that had been steadily walking was probably stand right in front of them.

Cooper slowly lifted his head and opened his eyes to bravely see what was there in the woods with them. His breath came out in a gasp.

Standing just a few feet before the children was a large wolf like creature with bright intense blue eyes. The animal did not move an inch. It stood perfectly still gazing at the children. It had massive and powerful shoulders.

Jenny inched her face up to see what was there with them. She could not contain the cry of fear that escaped her.

The animal stood motionless staring at the two terrified children until it turned toward the sound of more footsteps approaching.

The children pressed themselves back as far as they could against the trees but had nowhere to run and no way to hide. The turned their faces trying to hide and clutched one another tighter in terror of the fearsome creature standing right before them.

As they waited to be torn to pieces by the wolf-like creature before them and what ever else had joined it there was no sounds. Slowly they turned their faces to see if it was still there and were surprised and afraid as they viewed a strange old woman beside the creature.

She wore old and torn cloths with a hood on the dark jacket that shadowed her face. She held a crooked stick as if it were a cane in her hand. She stood a motionless as the animal at her side.

Slowly she raised her hand lowering the hood, revealing bright shining blue eyes that resembled the wolf-dog. The children were too frightened to make a sound as she slowly squatted down beside the animal raising her hand and gently stroked it's fur.

Her voice was soft as she spoke. “What are your names?”

At first neither of the children could speak. It was as if their fear had left them paralyzed. They had no place to run or hide and the woman and animal were right in front of them. Finally Cooper tried to clear his voice and answer. “I am Cooper and this is Jenny. Our dog was with us too but he ran away chasing a deer.” He wanted to ask who she was and if the creature with her was going to eat him but could manage no more words in his state of fear.

“Why are you here?” She did not smile as she spoke but did not appear angry either.

“We were just having fun and wanted to go for a walk in the woods. We got lost and don't know how to get home.” Cooper was afraid but this old woman was their only hope for help. He had said prayers for God to help them but all they could see was a dog or wolf that could kill them without any effort and an old and strange woman with a crooked stick.

“Did you see the sign at the edge of the woods that warned of danger?”

It was Jenny that found the courage to answer the woman but her eyes did not leave the intense blue gaze of the animal. “We saw it said danger but could not read what the danger was. We thought if we saw danger we would go back but it was beautiful and we were having so much fun we went too far and got lost. Do you know what the danger is?”

Several moments passed before the old woman answered. As she did a smile slowly spread on her face. “There are many dangers in this world. There are many dangers in these woods. Have your parents never warned you about going far away and dangers?”

Cooper hung his head knowing they were not allowed to go into the woods and had disobeyed what their parents had told them. “Yes ma’am. Our mom and dads told us not to go into the woods and only play in the yard but when our dog ran down the path we followed. Now we are so lost and it is almost dark. We don't know what to do. We just want to go home. Can you help us?”

A mist began to roll in as the chill of the night approached. The woman slowly stood beside the animal they now assumed was her pet. “What did you do when you knew you were lost and could not find your way home? Did you do something to find help?”

“We said a prayer to God but I don't think he heard us or maybe he is mad at us too for not listening to our parents. He did not answer and we don't know what to do.” Tears again filled Cooper's eyes.

In her soft voice that was barely above a whisper she answered. “How do you know he did not hear you? Maybe his answers are not always as we expect. Maybe he knows what is best for us and answers in his own way.”

It was Jenny that found the courage to respond to her questions “If he heard us and was going to help, then why are we still lost? It is almost dark and getting cold.”

As she was speaking there was a crashing sound in the brush behind where they were sitting. Their heart raced in terror wondering what creature was coming next. To their surprise Floppy bounded through chasing a little squirrel. It may have been the same one they called Fuzzy Tail or another that looked just like it. The little squirrel raced up the base of the tree they cowered against with the little dog wagging his tail looking up into the branches overhead.

Cooper looked back to the old woman and big animal to explain that was their dog and hoped the wolf like creature would not decide to harm their little dog.

To his surprise and Jenny's there was no one there. They had not heard a sound. The shadows were so intense it was almost totally dark. A cold chill made them shiver. Jenny reached out and clutched the little dog to her and cried. “We will never find our way home. Why did she leave us? What are we going to do?

I will be back soon. Thank you for taking the time to share this adventure in writing and in our lives. I hope you each and everyone have a wonderful day.