Follow @LindaJNance

Monday, January 23, 2012



   Before I go I want to share many things.  When I say “before I go” I do not think this is the moment I will pass from this life to the next, but I believe we never really know the number of our days.

          For many years I thought …I would love to do, write, create, paint, sculpt, go, see, this or that and do so many things but there has always been a reason or excuse why it had to wait or be left behind in life.  I feel as if I have waited my whole life to have a chance to live my life, and I wait no more.  Now in some ways it is too late.  There are some things that I can not physically do anymore.  There are things I can not afford financially and some that will remain only dreams because it would take more than me to make it real.  If I look at life in that way, it seems so limited and hopeless but that is not all there is in life or in my life. 

          I could say, “Seek and you will find.   Look and you will see.”  I would have to add the warning I believe that we should be careful in what we look for because we might just find it.  If we look for things that are depressing, painful, fear filled or ugly there will be many to see and discover… but is that what we want?   

          I understand depression and despair.  I understand pain, fear, betrayal and many other things but I also know and remember or try to find things that make me smile and fill me with hope, wonder and the warmth of feeling loved.  I hope to have the time and find the words to write many things and share many things.

          To accomplish my dream of these books that are, and the ones that are soon to be….it has taken a lifetime worth of living and seeing life to be able to try to find words to create the characters, stories, people and places in them.  I wanted each and every book that I write to be more than just a story well told.  I want every book to be one that the reader can become a part of and feel with and remember.
          My books are a part of me.  They are my way of reaching out and creating.  They are my voice.   They are a reminder of the past…painful and depressing as well as wonderful and exciting.  All things we see, hear, think and feel, live and love become a part of us in one way or another.  For good or bad…if we survive, we grow.  Hopefully we grow in a good way that makes us stronger but there are times that I wonder. 

          They say that time heals all wounds but they lie.  I have wounds that never heal.  I have wounds of the heart that may have scarred over but they are there, none the less.  People may tell you…. to get over it…but then it is not them that had to do the getting over, is it?  If you repeat history and pick at that old scar you may find more underneath than you expect.  I am getting old now and have poor health.  What I want to do in life is look for what I need to find and work to make it real.  I want to find that path in life that takes me to where I need to go and find the people who have love, hope and happiness there to share it with me.

          All of this sounds a little harsh when you put feelings into words, life can be harsh.  Life can be hard.  What we do with the blessed gift of life is up to us.  I could have given up and just died.  It is not hard at all.  All I have to do is quit trying and working to live.  Things have been that bad for me.  I did not want to do that for many reasons.  I do have some family that loves me and I love them.  I do have hopes and dreams.  I have more.  The story of Journey Home is more than a story.  I believe that God does have a purpose for me.  He has a purpose for each and every one of us.  I believe it is my responsibility to try my best in life and no matter what others do I will have to do my best.  I will not give up…I will not give in…Not Today!  If I say that everyday, then everyday I will have a tomorrow until the good Lord calls me home.

          Now I know that some people do not believe in God.  They think I am stupid and deluded or brainwashed into the beliefs I have.  I understand your skepticism.  I understand your doubt.  I am not even going to try to persuade you to think otherwise because you are not listening.  My beliefs are mine.  You see things as you want to see them, but I wish you well.  I hope that life shows you wonderful and happy things.

          Here I go…The last thing I ever wanted to do was talk about religion or politics.  If I want to tell you about my books and reach out so that others might even take notice ….the last thing I need is depressing or controversial….but… if I am honest ….it is a part of my very soul so much there is no way I could avoid it.

          I believe no matter how hard life is…we can make it….but I could never have done it alone.  I have been very alone many times.  I have been very isolated many times and even in situations that were abusive and controlling.  I do understand that part of life too.  I understand it too well and remember.  When you get a reminder …that old scar falls away and leaves not only the new problems but the old with it.  How can I survive?  How can I deal with life’s problems?  I do not know.  I hope with God’s help because I have no more answers.  Am I giving up?  Never….Not Today.

          When I thought I was alone and I had no one I could talk to because I did not want to worry them or start any thing….you would not believe the outpouring of love, support and encouragement from friends on line and in life.  They only knew the surgery and cancer part of the story….but they cared.  They made a difference.  I wish they really knew how much.

          I can not run a marathon.  I can not hold a job.  I can not get disability because I write.  It makes no difference if you sell enough to earn an income.  It is the fact that you could earn and income so therefore you are not disabled.  I will not quit trying.  I will write on.  I have two novels, two ebooks and the children’s book that I wrote and illustrated.  I have more.  I have so much more.  I am going to share many things.  I want to share stories, poems, pictures, thoughts, feelings and more.  I hope you come with me.  I hope that you understand.  We may not always agree but I hope we can find understanding and compassion in life.  I hope you share my journey.

          This book is just the beginning of many things I want to share.  I want to share thoughts, words, feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, and more.  I want to share life.    You may ask, Who and what am I?

            I do not know who and what I am.  I still think of myself as being what is needed by others, because that is how I have lived my life but somewhere deep inside there is still a real live person who thinks, feels, and is.  I want to find that person and be more.  Be more than just a story in a book, or what others need.  I want to find me.

                                         I talked to my friend today….

          Life can sometimes seem to overwhelm.  Worry, stress, illness, and pain seem to fill the hours of the day.  If you add in heartbreak, disappointment, and betrayal it feels as if the weight of the world is pressing down.  What I find even more difficult is to see someone you love mistreated and betrayed.  What can we do?  I do not have the answers to all of life’s problems, but I have something I have found that has and is helping.  I turn to a friend that is far wiser than I.  I put it in his hands and we have a little talk and I feel the peace and hope promised.  I may not see my friend in flesh and blood…in person.  I see my friend in the wonderful things around me that we can forget to take the time to see.  I see my friend in the wonderful smiles and love of family and friends.  I see my friend in the kindness of strangers.  My friend touches lives in so many ways if we take the time to see and hear. 

          I had a little talk with my friend and it sort of went like this….  Lord, please grant me your strength to do what you lead me to do, see what I need to see, understand as you would have me to know that I may live in truth and not lies, hope and not despair, light instead of the darkness that may fill the soul. Please give me the strength to stand strong and not waver in confrontations or hesitate to accept less than honesty and heart in life.  I do not have the answers to life, so I trust my life to you, my friend, my Lord.

           Allow me the passion to paint the paths of life and I ask that you not only guide my brush but guide my footsteps in the path that you choose for me to take.  I want to paint the path of life.  I want to be able to create with words, paint, clay the beauty we need to see and the hope we need to feel.  I want to be able to find words that help others to not only read a good story but be able to feel emotion and see life.  I want to find words to touch the heart and soul.  I ask for help and guidance, strength and courage.   God grant me thy peace, love, forgiveness, healing touch and heart to see and hear and live your will.

          My friend gives me the courage to go on another day and not give up.   I will not give up….Not Today

          I do not know if this is something I should publish to the world, but….it is truth.  It is me.  I have a determination to make my life count and be real.  I have a dream that by not giving up, others may believe and know that they can too make dreams come true.  There are no promises in life.  There is no guarantee that things will be easy or always happy and filled with joy.  We have to believe that we can…we can do what is right.  We can resist temptation to follow the wrong path in life.  We can…..Life is not easy for me at ALL.  Things are often painful and difficult.  My heart feels broken.  I do not want to give up…Not Today.

          I love to write fiction and see the characters come to life.  I love to work with a story until you feel as if you are there and can see and hear, feel and smell all around you.  I love to see it develop a life of its own but now….I have no idea what has got into me …..but I feel I need…have to….write something I have never attempted before. 

          I should be working on the cover for the next novel, You Can Call Me Danny.  I can hardly wait to share it with you.  I think it is a story that is so different and one that might haunt; it might do many things but will definitely not be easy to forget…..but…

           I have to write this book and share these things from the heart that is not fiction.  I want to be able to have a voice and let these things from deep within my mind and soul and be more than things buried and lost.  I do not choose to write this.  I feel compelled to write it and not wait any longer.  I am doing it now.

           When I spoke of watching what we look for in life I shared thoughts that if we look for negative things or things that fill us with hurt and despair they can be found but if we remember at that same time to look a little more there are so many things all around us we might overlook or forget to take the time to really see and feel.

          I was once asked what are some things that make me smile?  When I look out and see the evening sky ablaze with color it always fills me with wonder and a feeling of appreciation for such beauty.  When I take the time to look at a flower and really see the sparkle of a drop of dew on the delicate petals it makes me smile.  When I hear the laughter of a child filled with life and innocence and love for all it makes me smile.  The touch of a my grandchild’s hand holding mine fills me with such love and hope the smile fills my soul.  When I hear the voice of a friend who has thought to remember me….Seeing the smile of the one that I love as he tells me he loves me too….makes me smile and feel hope.  When I look past the clouds of depression to see the ray of light showing me all of the wonderful things the good Lord provides I can truly appreciate the faint colors that tint the sky in the early morning sunrise knowing there is a new day.  I can understand that every day is precious and we each do have a purpose…we can not give up…not today.


What am I going to do?  I will do the very best that I can in what ever I can do.  I will not say that I am always right or do as I should do, but I will say that I am trying.  I want to write.  I want to have a voice.  I want to make a difference.  I wrote a poem many years ago and I would like to share it be cause the meanings are still very real for me.

The Rising Sun

Once the sun did rise and set,
And peace of soul and mind is let,
The body rests and sleeps so deep
At night our prayers and dreams to keep.

I think of times so long gone by,
and with a sort of silent sigh,
Remember joys and sorrows there,
But all in all the world was fair.
Then I think of times today.
I wish to change them in some way.

I am only one of many,
Try as I may can do little if any.
But in some way if I have tried,
To help someone who is sad or has cried,

I feel if I have helped but one,

I have served a purpose under the Rising Sun.
By Linda J. Nance

          I believe this.  If we help even one other person we have done something special.  Money or things we buy may come and go, but if we touch the heart of another person we have done something special.

          With that thought it brings me to try to explain part of what I hope to do.  I have always loved to write.   I want to talk about what inspires me to write.  I have written 3 novels, numerous short stories and poetry all of my life.  I am working on a fourth novel at this time, but there are other things that I write.  When I look and see a beautiful sunset, I feel the words coming to describe not only the sight and colors, but also the feeling it evokes.  When I see a small child at play or my beautiful grandchild laugh, it inspires words for the special time and sight before me. 

          When I see the sunset ablaze with colors and feel that the good Lord has given me a gift I not only feel words but the desire to create from me a thing of beauty.  There is one such watercolor painting I did years ago on a piece of typing paper with a child’s water color set I bought for 99 cents.  It is now the cover of my new novel Journey Home.  I found a way to share a story that I believe is not only entertaining but unique in it's own way and my painting shared with each and every person who has it.

          Does that make me an artist?  I like to sculpt.  You would be amazed what I can do with Play Doh.  I like it because it is not a typical artist medium.  It is a child’s clay to play.  I want to always keep the child in me alive because they can see wonder and amazement in things that many of us take for granted.  I plan to see what I can still do with it soon.

          As the years have passed I have found, that a person is many things.  They may be what their profession is and they receive monetary compensation for doing.  They may also be what they are required to do or assume the responsibility to do.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a daughter, sister, cousin, neighbor, friend, homemaker, grandmother {I really like that one}  and many other things.  Who am I?  What am I?  I would like to tell you that I have figured all of that out and know exactly who and what I am but I would be a liar.  I have no idea.  All I know for sure is that I have tried my best through my life and will continue to try to do and be the best I can be and help where I can.

          Am I a writer?  I used to hesitate.  I never assumed such a lofty title or description.  Now I say ….yes…..I write so I am a writer.  You might have a person who never had the opportunity for the education allowing them the proficiency to create a text that meets some criteria.  That does not mean that the words and thoughts or creations they may produce have no merit.  They too are writers.  When you feel the need and desire to put words to…..emotions….feelings….descriptions of events or people or things…and the desire to tell the story….you are a writer.  I realize that there is always hope where there is life and we have to keep trying, if not for ourselves then for those that we love.  Today is not the day that I will give up.  Today is not the day that I will die.  I believe that the good Lord has a plan for us all and I need to do the best that I can to reach out and make a difference in this life.  I may not know what the plan is that he has for me, but it is my responsibility to live the best life I can.  That includes not giving up.  I want to live, and do, and make dreams come true.  I want to let others know that their dreams can come true too.

          If I could have my wish come true in life I would be able to not only publish my writings, but be able to go and speak to let others know that they can make their dreams come true.  Every day that we are alive we should learn and try.  We are never too young or too old to try.  We have to believe.  We have to know that we can.   That is a big wish.

          I am still unsure who I am but I am trying to be all that I can be and do the best that  can.  What am I?  I still try to be who and what is required but I am also trying to be the best that I can of me.  I guess I am just Linda.

          I had always wanted to publish some of the things that I write but there came a time in life when life could be short and time almost gone.  I wanted to see at least on of the things that I had written become a real book and hold it in my hands.  The thoughts raced through my head as I tried to decide if I had this one chance, what would I choose to publish first? 

          Life Goes On is the first novel I published.  I want to write and share many things but time was short.  When I wrote Life Goes On I wanted to find a way to write a story that held the interest of the reader but do more than that.  I wanted to write something that could be real enough that the reader knew the characters and could see what they saw and feel with the people in the story.  I wanted to write a story that people could relate to or empathize with.

          With the problems that so many are experiencing at this time in history and with life in general, this story might reach out and be something that others could relate to.  I wanted to write the best story that I could but I wanted to be able and find a way to do more.  I wanted to be able to reach out and try to make this book something special.  In this story we see that there are consequences to our actions and decisions and those may be far reaching affecting those we love and are close to as well as our selves.  It is not a story of all the right choices and they live happily ever after.  It is a story of a family in difficult times trying to find a way to live their lives as Life Goes On. 

     This is a start.  I will have to read and reread and edit and continue with the story of my story but I wanted to share this with you.  I am trying to do the cover for my next Novel You Can Call Me Danny.  I love it and can hardly wait to see it become a reality but I really felt the need to write these things.  I never dreamed I would write other than poetry and fiction.  I wanted my stories to be interesting and do not lead an overly interesting and wildly exciting life.....but then again....I am alive and that is exciting.  There is so much more that I want to do and I am still trying.  I hope you all have a wonderful day.

No comments:

Post a Comment