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Thursday, January 19, 2012



Many years ago we went on a family vacation.  One of the things I enjoyed was riding on as real old time steam engine.  There is a place in northern Ark where you can ride the train that is now used to give tourist the opportunity to experience the sights, sounds, and feelings from the past and occasionally they use it making movies.

My parents had given me a camera and explained to only take special pictures and make each one the best that you can.  I understand now it is to help prevent me from taking every and any picture I could click and later they pay to develop pictures of floors and other strange things.

The years had passed, but I still had the little camera and used it to take many memorable pictures for me and my family.  This trip was filled with wonderful moments shared with not only my children but parents and Grandfather.  He was an amazing man of heart, soul, and a gift of sharing with others.  Riding on an old fashioned steam engine train brought back memories for him and he began to share the tales from the past.  They had a man who told interesting facts about many things including the train.  The shock and amazement on his face would have made a fantastic picture but I was shocked at the same time.

The seats were all facing the front of the train.  My Grandfather slid his hand down touching the ornate bracket on the seat, asked me to sand for a moment and like magic the seat back rotated to face the opposite direction.  I thought he had broken the antique seat as ……did the tour narrator judging by the expression on his face.

Grandpa laughed and explained that many of the runs went from town to town and back in those days.  They did not want to try to turn every car around for the return trip and the people would not want to all ride facing backwards.  The hinged seats were the answer.  He went on to explain about many things he remembered as a very young child.  Everyone in the passenger car listened and was smiling as he shared the memories of the past.  You could almost see the little boy who had gone with his father who was the conductor. 

It was a day filled with wonder and shared memories.  Of all the pictures there is one that I would like to share.  At one point I went to the back of the train and stood on the little area at the back of the caboose.  I took my picture as the track faded into the distance.  I could almost hear and feel the time fade into the past and heard the echoes of the stories I had heard from my grandfather and great-grandfather.

Now as I grow older I have found myself often viewing times past in life.  At family reunions as a child I would often hear the OLD” folks say….”I remember when…” and “Back in my day we…” and so on.  Now when I go to gatherings and sit back and listen…we the children of the past are saying….”I remember when….and  Back in my day….”  I have to smile.

 In my heart I still keep a spot for that child that took such delight in the intricate beauty of a delicate blossom of a wild flower or the fluttering beauty of a butterfly.  I still like to play with playdoh and only wish I could run, walk go out and about and enjoy the beauty and wonder that surrounds us in nature.

I am not done.  I may be getting older but I am not yet old….(Except on some days when it seems almost to difficult to go on)  There are also those days.  I have often talked about not giving up and that we should keep trying.  I fully believe all of those things and more but there are also times that are so hard, and painful, and filled with emotions that seem dark and filled with despair. 

At those times I tend to look back at many things.  I look back to when I could walk and run and play all day.  I can remember but not quite feel the excitement at being alive….  They I remember special people in my life and good times that seemed so magic.  Memory can be a double edged sword because so many of those I loved are gone from me now.  So many I trusted, betrayed and some that I tried to help, took advantage.  Hopes and dreams that seemed so bright faded with time or evolved from dreams into nightmares. 

That is a dark place emotionally to be.  If I stayed there long I would not be long for this world.  I really believe that what is in our minds and hearts greatly affects our health.  We have to be alive in our hearts and souls to be alive in our lives.  More than our physical mortality is a living death of life with no purpose.  I ask why am I still here?  What am I supposed to do?  What good am I to anyone?  There are times I am so sure I am nothing but a burden to all around me.  I feel more tolerated than loved and wonder if life is really worth working so hard to continue.  The day I decide to go on in the next life, all I have to do is quit working and trying so hard to go on.  What good am I to anyone?

Well….I do not have all of the answers.  I can say things that I think and feel and hope that in someway it might help another to know they are not alone.  If it even helps one person…then I did have a purpose.  I do not share these things here to make myself feel better.  Some say that writing helps to work out our problems.  I love to write and would no matter what but posting them for the world is no help for me….it is my way to share…me.  If I can share things that might touch another or even for a moment help them to think or feel better it is worth it.

 Life can be so busy we forget to take the time to really look.  Do we really look around us?  No matter what is going on, there is beauty all around us.  We can marvel at the beauty of a sunrise or blazing sunset that paints the sky.  We can appreciate the delicate beauty of a flower or butterfly.  We can take the time to see the excitement in a young child, or the magical affects of their smiles, laughter or loving touch of their hand in yours.

Life can be so difficult and painful but it is also a gift.  What we do with that is our choice.  I want to be able to reach out to others and hopefully make a positive difference.  I want to have a voice and know I do not sit here alone in silence.  I want to live and be alive every day of my life.  I would like to see others take heart, hope and not give up.  Believe.  We have to believe.

In the things that I have published and will publish I am trying to share.  I want to write the best stories possible to allow the reader to sit back and see, feel and be there.  I want each and every story to be one they will enjoy and remember.  Accomplishing the feat of making my simple words into books is sharing my dream.  It is a dream you can hold in your hand and share with a friend.  It is a dream to see the cover and enjoy all that is between front and back. 

Each of my covers is also something I share.  The first is from a photo I took over 20 years ago.  The second is one of my paintings.  The children’s book is pastels and charcoal in all of the illustrations and cover that I did.  The one I am doing next I will have to see what I can come up with.  I hope you enjoy these things I share and also that it might touch you in some way.  I pray it might make a difference. 

I will not give up…not today.  I do believe….in many things.  I hope you have a wonderful day filled with smiles, laughter, and dreams that can come true….and pass it on to others.

I hope you stop by and see the books and information at Amazon or the many other sites.  You can ask at any bookstore too.

  If you get time to stop by the fan page I set up I shared many things there and would love to hear your comments. 

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