Well, I have been gone for awhile but am back. I was going to explain how busy I have been, but I promised to be honest and will admit that I have not felt too good for…. I can not remember when I felt good physically. My mind races with ideas and my heart is filled with ideas for things I hope could live on and reach out to help others …. But…. I got sick and have been so very tired. What to do? What can I do?
Well…. I can do anything. I can do what ever I am willing to work hard and believe in. I may not do it quickly. I may not do it as well as some, but I will do it in my own way and it will be real. I understand that I am lacking in some of the technical areas but what is in my heart and mind is intense…
When I write a fiction story, I want it to be the best that it can be. I try with the punctuation and grammar and will continue to work at it. When we talk about a story or something we create, I want to make it as real as possible. I want it to have depth and feeling as well as a story to be told. I want you to know the people, see the places and feel as if you had been there.
If we talk about the first book I chose to publish, there was a reason I chose it. No matter where you live there may be difficult times in life. This family is facing circumstances that could have destroyed them. The father lost his job; they lost their home and were forced to live in an area they hated, with their children. They thought they knew and understood their lives but in the new surroundings found things and influences so intense and different they were unsure about every aspect of their lives and futures. Little by little they were loosing their children and their hope. They thought they could guide and parent by communication and discussions and found their children were adapting and learning to use those things to their advantage, not to understand and work with the parents but avoid and do what they had in mind. They had lived a life that had consequences such as being grounded or a parent’s disapproval but had entered a life with consequences that could last a life time and involve more than themselves.
When they were evicted from that place, life would take a drastic turn. How they could deal with it and where they would go would be something that would forever change them each and every one. This is more than a story of a thing or a person or circumstance. This is a story of family, heart and life. It is a story with no end because with every story it goes on. There will be the days of our youth but in the blink of the eye there is a new generation to carry on.
I chose this story because I hoped it would be something others could not only be entertained by but relate to. We hope to find the best ways to work with and provide for our children but there are not always right answers. There are times that are not easy. There times of uncertainty. What then? This is not a book that shows all of the right choices. It is not a book that tells you what you should and should not do. I do not have those answers. This is a story…. Of their lives and that there are consequences for the choices we make. Young and old alike, learn how life can have it’s darkest hours but there is always hope. We have to believe and ….Life Goes On.
As I contemplated what to publish, there were so many things on my mind. When it comes to health issues I have been told many things that left little hope but that is not always a bad thing. One doctor was so sweet it seemed to almost break his heart to have to tell me the truth. He had been very professional and one I would trust my life to. You could tell he was a heart felt person with a difficult job. Me… What was my future? No one would answer any questions directly. The answers were very grim. I believe the things I found out were true, but we do not always know God’s plan for us. There are some times we do have to understand that no matter what our desires or plans or determination, the body may be weak. It may not be what is meant to be…. Or did we give up?
If that was not enough to find an inoperable mass under the aorta….what can I do? The surgery could kill me and the chemo might or radiation…so ……..
When they said it has spread and was in some really bad areas right next to the lymph nodes, with the arteries that supply the lung on the left side and 2 other places….. Not good. Take away the arteries and …… in the lymph and ????
What to do? I did not want to give up. I would not give up. But what if I did not make it? I wanted the things that I had written to live on. I wanted others to know the characters and see some things they related to. I wanted the stories to be something real for them. I wanted to see something I had written become a book I could hold in my hand. Just once, I wanted to hold the book in my hand.
I had no idea what others would think of it. Would they find it interesting? Would they feel as if the characters were real enough they knew them? Would the story be believable? So many questions but the real question right then is would I live to see any of it?
When I came out of the surgery I was in a lot of pain. I was hooked to oxygen and fighting for life…but filled with the desire to fight for more….I would not give up. I did not know what the future would hold even after the surgery. I know not the number of my days but that is something we fail to realize. We never know the number of our days so we have to make the most of each and every one.
Journey Home will always be dear to my heart. It is the first novel I wrote. My daughter and husband gave me the strength to believe that I could do it. I could not afford anything extra with all of the medical expenses. If a person has pre-existing illnesses and can not afford insurance it is amazing how life can be. It affects the whole family. They told me not to worry, but do what was in my heart.
A dear woman I met on the internet offered to help and help she did in more than one way. She helped editing and for me to get it uploaded and ready to go. I had even done the cover myself from one of my paintings.
Years ago I loved to do little art projects with the children and my father in-law expressed his admiration for what I did. I painted him a picture of a path. I start with a blank piece of paper and wait for the feeling to come and then just paint. That is what I did, and I told him it was his path. When I decided to choose a cover, I think that path would have taken them where they need to go in the book. That path shows the journey they would take. When we think of a journey, we do not always realize it is the one that might take us where we need to go to find not only a location, but a place of the heart that is home. Journey Home is the journey to home. The painting was his, but is now the cover for all to find the Journey Home.
When I wrote it I wanted others to find a story that would hold their interest but more. I wanted characters or people who were so real they could feel with them and understand or relate to them. I wanted an ending they would not see half way through the book. I have read so many where when you start, you understand who did it and why, and it was a good book, but you knew who did it…..
I did not want to give up…not today. I wanted to do more. The Children’s book is one that is not only in my heart but my whole family’s….and neighbors and friends. It is a little book that I wrote for my own children we could use all the years of their lives to relate to things and touch their hearts. It is a book of rhyme that has more than the story and the poem.
Each and every line of the poem has special meaning and applications that can be made from little child to adult. There have been more people than I can count that have sat with me and discussed this little poem and instantly related to things in their lives. One day I may try to write it all out but then again it is always better when there are things from the heart to speak to another of heart.
A Tale To Tell has it’s own story too. We had some huge trees in the yard that dropped branches. When I told the children…. “If I only had a few branches we could have a bonfire.” It was not long before the yard was cleared… and we had a bonfire. There are many tales to be told around a bonfire depending on the audience and age. These tales have not only the ability to entertain but also enlighten. I wanted to not only create shadow but also light. In one of the stories…’The Midnight Hour’…. Peer pressure plays a part. We might forget how strong such a thing can be. There are many other tales and more to come.
That brings me to the one with the very long title…. I Will Not Give Up…Not Today…Life Is A Journey. You may buy or get the small e-book or paperback book and think that you have a book. This is my heart, my feelings, my life, my dreams and me. How can we say that is a book. To me …. It makes me so vulnerable. What if it is misunderstood because I failed to be able to covey the things of my heart? What if this is something that I write and share to the world that does no good at all? I did not write it to help me as therapeutic. I did not even want to write it. I did because I had to write it. I had to share the idea….not to give up. We can…. I Will Not Give Up…Not today…Life Is a Journey.
This book is not a simple memoir. It is not about my life. My life is the example but the book is the message. I am not rich or famous. I am not strong or outstanding. I am just a regular person with a passion. I felt called to share from the heart things that were, and feelings ,and all that is in the book. I felt the need to …. To…. Reach out? I am unsure. What if there is someone some where who needs to know there is hope? What if there is someone somewhere who needs to feel a kinship and know that they are not alone in what they feel? What if this little book could make a difference? If it is only one person who needs it….what is the profit? When we talk about profit…what is the worth? If this book helps you then I feel it’s worth. Even if it is free I feel I have succeeded.
I sell this book but it is offered in that sale as my gift to any one who might benefit or to someone they know who is having a difficult time. Do not give up….not today. We are all on a Journey in life and it is that journey that will take us to amazing places and people who will make life grand. One day at a time we can make it.
I have told you about all of the books I have out now, but what about the title of this essay? Reviews, Comments, Messages, Emails and every person who has taken the time by phone or in person to tell me……. What it did to me?
I have worked many years of my life and put a lot into the things that I write. I understand that they are not perfect and I could wait and hope to one day have them edited professionally. I could wait but then again, maybe I cannot. I can not wait. I can not let life pass me by. This is my time. This is my life. I can not wait for another day. Every day that passes is another day gone. Another day lost???? How many are my days? I would like to say how many are my years but I do not know?
I keep working here on the blog, the fan page, and several other things. I keep working with the books. I keep trying but…. What and how do others perceive what I have written? Do they hear my voice and know my heart? Do they read the story and find an interest or …….
Every review of every book has warmed my heart. I want each person who took the time to write a review to know how much it means to me. I want you to know that you reach out to another with hope and affirmation as well as things I need to know to work to make my writing better. You encourage and help in your observations to help me make the things to come the best that I can. I want to thank each and every one of you who took the time.
You will never know how much the things you have shared have meant to me. You will not know how much you have touched my heart. Know that the time you took is something that will echo and live with me. I have actually cried reading reviews. They were not tears of disappointment but of hope that what I had dreamed was becoming real….. I could reach out to others. What was in my heart and soul could be known and understood.
What it did to me? It made my heart soar. It made me feel as if I will not give up….not today and that this journey in life is not alone. …. The journey in life is not alone. That is so much.
I read reviews, messages and comments….and they made my heart fly to the heavens and know that I can not give up…..there is tomorrow and I will be here.