Life Goes On And So Am I…I Am Not Giving Up…Did Not And Will Not

The new E-Book is here for $2.99.  Half of me is so excited I could not sleep.  The other half is apprehensive.  This book is not fiction.  If I write fiction then a person may or may not like it, but it is not fiction and I will be writing more.  This is real.  This is me.  I never considered writing anything close to this.  This book really is a part of me that I share ..

If it makes a difference for even one person…then it is worth it all.  Thank you all for being so supportive and encouraging.  Thank you for caring and sharing thoughts and words to help me in difficult times and inspire me in life.  Thank you all.

I shared many things about me & my life..  what I felt, thought and more.  I share these things not saying all should think as I do…I share them and hope what ever life throws your way, you will not give up…not today…

I hope the journey you take in life is one that brings you to a place filled with hope, peace, love and happiness.  Join me in and on my journey for as long as I have in this life as I share so much in this first of what could be many more to come.

Accident, injury, pain, illness, and hope, determination, inspiration, dreams, love, life, and more.  Cancer and I am still here.  How does it feel when you look in a mirror & what looks back is hideous, or they say cancer?  Is there a tomorrow? How can we live through today?  What then?

 

I tried to find the words and write this honestly about many things.  There are times that I am filled with self doubts and feel so lost and alone.  Some days I can look out the window and see the sunshine streaming through the leaves of the trees and know that there are flowers blooming out there, but there is no way that I can get to the flowers to see their beauty or smell the delicate perfume they bless the world with.  There are times that even if I see all of that and more I can not feel the warmth of the sun or the hope of the new day.  Those are the times I have to get tough and remember…I will not give up…Not today.  If we think of all our problems in life, it would take the life right out of us.  What can I do now?  What can I really see when I look around? 

I never dreamed of writing a non fiction book.  It is like turning yourself inside out and letting the world in.  The world if filled with wonderful people but there are others who are not so kind there too.  We have to be realistic to survive and can not live in a dream world.  We can do it….BUT…it will not always be easy….that is for sure.  Why then, did I write this?  I feel I am at the mercy of every reader to receiving almost any reaction….Why did I take such a risk and write it?  I do not really know.  That is honest.  I felt compelled to share these things and in doing so, hope it could make a difference for another. 

I talk about hope and dreams and never giving up.  There are many who face a life filled with depression and despair.  Some do not realize that depression is real and it can kill a person.  I not only blinds them to joy, hope and happiness but steals away the strength to overcome and go on and live life instead of just being alive.  It eats away at a person bit by bit.

I have felt those feelings and at times still do.  I hurt every day in many ways.  I will never get “well” and am dieing a little each day…but…. We are doing that from the day we are born.  Who knows what the future holds.  I am a tough old lady and may live for many many years.  What I want to do is be alive while I am here and make every day count.

With the first Novel I published I had to decide what of the things I had written it would be.  I did not have time.  I had many health problems and they found cancer that had spread.  We had our doubts if I would even wake up.  It was growing quickly in bad locations.  Every day counted if it got in... instead of right next to the lymph system.  I was not even strong enough for them to do the surgery at first….I wanted to see at least part of my dream come true and hold it in my hands.  I wanted something to leave behind for others and my children and grandchildren to remember…that was my mom…or grandma and hopefully remember so much more.

I chose Life Goes On for a reason.  In LIFE GOES ON The Family of five found themselves in crisis as they were evicted from their apartment after the father lost his job. With great trepidation they accepted help from a relative that offered them a place to live and new start in life. They had no choices except seeing their family homeless in a rough part of the city. It was not an easy adjustment for any of them as they experienced moments that would test their sense of humor and times that would test their strength of character. There were some difficult issues they would have to face and how they responded could have life altering consequences. Learning what family can mean was a lesson each person learned in their own way. This is a story of people and a place they would work to make their home. It is struggle, heart, moments of triumph and times of despair. It is a story that speaks to many of us in different ways as the characters struggle with life. They had weathered the difficult transition of the relocation and would face new challenges as life goes on for them all. Life Goes On is a dramatic story worth reading and remembering.

CreateSpace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/3478911

This is how it started. 

As I worked to make what I had written into a book it was no easy task.  I knew hardly anything about the internet or computers but CreagteSpace worked with me and together it became real.

It was a little over 14 months ago they did the surgery removing the whole upper lobe of the lung.  Now that hurt.  I still did not know if I had a future or how long it would be.  I say to never give up but that was a time I had to practice what I preached or lay down and die.  The oxygen was a lifeline and kept me alive.  (Still does and always will)  I have to admit as time goes on I often feel it is a leash and I its captive.  We have no insurance so when the little bottles run out you buy more or stay home connected to the machine.  They have these amazing little things that generate oxygen portably for travel, but the cost is more than I can consider.  So I can sit and get depressed looking out the window at sunshine in the world outside or…..find a different way to still be alive and live and do more than just sit here.

My left foot is crippled and my spine a mess, so I am not going to be getting to athletic.  Even my hands have problems from the injuries in an accident long ago..and old age arthritis.  I can only sit here in this position for short periods of time or I collect fluids and that is a big problem and muscle spasms in the back…so….I do a little here and do a little there and lay down…sit up…move and rest.  What ever it takes is the way I live each day ...but I want to really live.  I will not give up…not today.

That is everyday but right after the surgery was….more than words.  I decided I did not need to sit and wait so I started to find a way to publish the second novel Journey Home.  I love that book.  It is the first novel I ever wrote but I wanted to publish Life Goes On hoping it might not only entertain but help others to not feel alone as they face problems and challenges in life and with family.

This is a bit about Journey Home…

Lara Stanley’s life is about to drastically change as she embarks on her journey home after the death of her uncle.  Join in the journey with mystery, suspense, adventure, romance, drama and a story to remember.

Linda Nance is the author of novels, Life Goes On and Journey Home.  She is a wife, mother, daughter, aunt, friend, neighbor, Grandmother and now author.  She loves to write, art, crafts, but most of all the love and good times of family and fiends.  These books are a part of her dreams and she will never give up.  Dreams really can come true if we work hard and believe.

Advance praise for Journey Home

Even from the grave, love comes to make sure the Journey Home is safe and fulfilling—excellent suspense keeps pages turning ‘til the end! --GABixlerReviews

Linda Nance awakens the reader’s understanding of what greed, hate, revenge and deceit really mean. –Fran Lewis Reviews

I had a story that I loved but needed a cover.  I had done the cover for Life Goes On from a photo I had taken many years ago.  The book was fiction but if it had been real they might have traveled on  a road like that one on the way to their new life.  I did it so it wrapped all the way around the book.  When you hold the book in your hands I hope you see and feel what I did when I gazed at the sunset that seemed to blaze across the whole sky.

I wanted to do a painting for Journey Home and share things as it went on the fan page I had set up on FaceBook.  I started painting and painted many pictures.  I posted some of them as I went along.  One even had the waves turbulent in the ocean..(There is no ocean in the story but I was having fun painting)  With the way my health was and is, I did not want to wait but I wanted to be able to share what was real and reach out.  I did not want to sit here alone and die.  To anyone else out there with problems I wanted them to know they are not alone and we can do it….we can if we don’t give up.

I thought and thought about all of the paintings…then chose one I had done years before on a piece of typing paper with a 99 cent tray of children’s paints for my father in law before he passed.  I wanted to share my painting, art and stories.  With every book a person has an exact print of one of my pieces of art or paintings.

It took a lot of work but it too be came a real book.  I was going to write a lot more and tell about the e-books….that was an adventure for someone like me who it not tech savy at all and the Children’s book I wrote and illustrated.  Oh, how I love that book….but I have got up and down and it is time to stop for now.

I will be back.  I will write another day or maybe write another book …volume 2…of…I Will Not Give Up…Not Today….???????? 

But I have done all I can for now…..

From the time they started to schedule the surgery for cancer a little over a year ago….this is it so far.  This is what I am doing and will and intend to do so much more.  Life is not over.  It is only beginning and every day is special.

There are more links especially CreateSpace that I will try to add.  There are many sites on the internet and you can even get my books at your local bookstores.  They often do not carry new authors so you may have to ask them to order it for you or from Amazon and have it delivered to your door or computer or what ever you read kindle ebooks with.  However you get them, I hope you enjoy them.  I hope they are things that you will remember.  I thank you for sharing my journey.

Life Goes On  $12.99   

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Goes-Linda-Nance/dp/1453780130

(Kindle)   $4.95     http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004XJ6U26

Journey Home $16.95  

http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Home-Linda-Nance/dp/1456507214

 (Kindle) $5.95    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0054GLX92

The Pumpkin Field   $10.95

http://www.amazon.com/Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812

I Will Not Give Up…Not Today…Life Is A Journey

Kindle       $2.99

http://www.amazon.com/Will-Up-Today-Journey-ebook/dp/B00730UT6A

A Story and A Cover

As I continue writing and looking for things I want to share in this book I also have been trying to find the right cover for it.  I intend to publish it as an e-book to start but want it to be special.  I decided to try again to use one of my paintings and see how it looks. 

When I think of life it really is a journey we take.  There are times that the path is smooth and well traveled and others it seems steep and difficult…but if we do not give up there is so much more that awaits us.  I seem to love to paint paths that lead to…???....  I hope they will lead to where we need to go in life.  I hope there is love, hope, happiness, and wonderful new things that await us at the end.

I want to look for and find the beauty in life and find love and hope.  This book is not just the wonderful moments to show only the smiling, happy, marvelous and inspirational times…I am trying to make it real and share a piece of my heart, life, thoughts, feelings and so much of who and what I am.

This is the cover I am considering.  I have another I thought about too.  I would love to hear what one you like the best.  They are both water color paintings of mine.

Have a wonderful day.

THIS BOOK WILL BE MY STORY

THIS BOOK WILL BE MY STORY

   Before I go I want to share many things.  When I say “before I go” I do not think this is the moment I will pass from this life to the next, but I believe we never really know the number of our days.

          For many years I thought …I would love to do, write, create, paint, sculpt, go, see, this or that and do so many things but there has always been a reason or excuse why it had to wait or be left behind in life.  I feel as if I have waited my whole life to have a chance to live my life, and I wait no more.  Now in some ways it is too late.  There are some things that I can not physically do anymore.  There are things I can not afford financially and some that will remain only dreams because it would take more than me to make it real.  If I look at life in that way, it seems so limited and hopeless but that is not all there is in life or in my life. 

          I could say, “Seek and you will find.   Look and you will see.”  I would have to add the warning I believe that we should be careful in what we look for because we might just find it.  If we look for things that are depressing, painful, fear filled or ugly there will be many to see and discover… but is that what we want?   

          I understand depression and despair.  I understand pain, fear, betrayal and many other things but I also know and remember or try to find things that make me smile and fill me with hope, wonder and the warmth of feeling loved.  I hope to have the time and find the words to write many things and share many things.

          To accomplish my dream of these books that are, and the ones that are soon to be….it has taken a lifetime worth of living and seeing life to be able to try to find words to create the characters, stories, people and places in them.  I wanted each and every book that I write to be more than just a story well told.  I want every book to be one that the reader can become a part of and feel with and remember.

          My books are a part of me.  They are my way of reaching out and creating.  They are my voice.   They are a reminder of the past…painful and depressing as well as wonderful and exciting.  All things we see, hear, think and feel, live and love become a part of us in one way or another.  For good or bad…if we survive, we grow.  Hopefully we grow in a good way that makes us stronger but there are times that I wonder. 

          They say that time heals all wounds but they lie.  I have wounds that never heal.  I have wounds of the heart that may have scarred over but they are there, none the less.  People may tell you…. to get over it…but then it is not them that had to do the getting over, is it?  If you repeat history and pick at that old scar you may find more underneath than you expect.  I am getting old now and have poor health.  What I want to do in life is look for what I need to find and work to make it real.  I want to find that path in life that takes me to where I need to go and find the people who have love, hope and happiness there to share it with me.

          All of this sounds a little harsh when you put feelings into words, life can be harsh.  Life can be hard.  What we do with the blessed gift of life is up to us.  I could have given up and just died.  It is not hard at all.  All I have to do is quit trying and working to live.  Things have been that bad for me.  I did not want to do that for many reasons.  I do have some family that loves me and I love them.  I do have hopes and dreams.  I have more.  The story of Journey Home is more than a story.  I believe that God does have a purpose for me.  He has a purpose for each and every one of us.  I believe it is my responsibility to try my best in life and no matter what others do I will have to do my best.  I will not give up…I will not give in…Not Today!  If I say that everyday, then everyday I will have a tomorrow until the good Lord calls me home.

          Now I know that some people do not believe in God.  They think I am stupid and deluded or brainwashed into the beliefs I have.  I understand your skepticism.  I understand your doubt.  I am not even going to try to persuade you to think otherwise because you are not listening.  My beliefs are mine.  You see things as you want to see them, but I wish you well.  I hope that life shows you wonderful and happy things.

          Here I go…The last thing I ever wanted to do was talk about religion or politics.  If I want to tell you about my books and reach out so that others might even take notice ….the last thing I need is depressing or controversial….but… if I am honest ….it is a part of my very soul so much there is no way I could avoid it.

          I believe no matter how hard life is…we can make it….but I could never have done it alone.  I have been very alone many times.  I have been very isolated many times and even in situations that were abusive and controlling.  I do understand that part of life too.  I understand it too well and remember.  When you get a reminder …that old scar falls away and leaves not only the new problems but the old with it.  How can I survive?  How can I deal with life’s problems?  I do not know.  I hope with God’s help because I have no more answers.  Am I giving up?  Never….Not Today.

          When I thought I was alone and I had no one I could talk to because I did not want to worry them or start any thing….you would not believe the outpouring of love, support and encouragement from friends on line and in life.  They only knew the surgery and cancer part of the story….but they cared.  They made a difference.  I wish they really knew how much.

          I can not run a marathon.  I can not hold a job.  I can not get disability because I write.  It makes no difference if you sell enough to earn an income.  It is the fact that you could earn and income so therefore you are not disabled.  I will not quit trying.  I will write on.  I have two novels, two ebooks and the children’s book that I wrote and illustrated.  I have more.  I have so much more.  I am going to share many things.  I want to share stories, poems, pictures, thoughts, feelings and more.  I hope you come with me.  I hope that you understand.  We may not always agree but I hope we can find understanding and compassion in life.  I hope you share my journey.

          This book is just the beginning of many things I want to share.  I want to share thoughts, words, feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, and more.  I want to share life.    You may ask, Who and what am I?

            I do not know who and what I am.  I still think of myself as being what is needed by others, because that is how I have lived my life but somewhere deep inside there is still a real live person who thinks, feels, and is.  I want to find that person and be more.  Be more than just a story in a book, or what others need.  I want to find me.

                                         I talked to my friend today….

          Life can sometimes seem to overwhelm.  Worry, stress, illness, and pain seem to fill the hours of the day.  If you add in heartbreak, disappointment, and betrayal it feels as if the weight of the world is pressing down.  What I find even more difficult is to see someone you love mistreated and betrayed.  What can we do?  I do not have the answers to all of life’s problems, but I have something I have found that has and is helping.  I turn to a friend that is far wiser than I.  I put it in his hands and we have a little talk and I feel the peace and hope promised.  I may not see my friend in flesh and blood…in person.  I see my friend in the wonderful things around me that we can forget to take the time to see.  I see my friend in the wonderful smiles and love of family and friends.  I see my friend in the kindness of strangers.  My friend touches lives in so many ways if we take the time to see and hear. 

          I had a little talk with my friend and it sort of went like this….  Lord, please grant me your strength to do what you lead me to do, see what I need to see, understand as you would have me to know that I may live in truth and not lies, hope and not despair, light instead of the darkness that may fill the soul. Please give me the strength to stand strong and not waver in confrontations or hesitate to accept less than honesty and heart in life.  I do not have the answers to life, so I trust my life to you, my friend, my Lord.

           Allow me the passion to paint the paths of life and I ask that you not only guide my brush but guide my footsteps in the path that you choose for me to take.  I want to paint the path of life.  I want to be able to create with words, paint, clay the beauty we need to see and the hope we need to feel.  I want to be able to find words that help others to not only read a good story but be able to feel emotion and see life.  I want to find words to touch the heart and soul.  I ask for help and guidance, strength and courage.   God grant me thy peace, love, forgiveness, healing touch and heart to see and hear and live your will.

          My friend gives me the courage to go on another day and not give up.   I will not give up….Not Today

          I do not know if this is something I should publish to the world, but….it is truth.  It is me.  I have a determination to make my life count and be real.  I have a dream that by not giving up, others may believe and know that they can too make dreams come true.  There are no promises in life.  There is no guarantee that things will be easy or always happy and filled with joy.  We have to believe that we can…we can do what is right.  We can resist temptation to follow the wrong path in life.  We can…..Life is not easy for me at ALL.  Things are often painful and difficult.  My heart feels broken.  I do not want to give up…Not Today.

          I love to write fiction and see the characters come to life.  I love to work with a story until you feel as if you are there and can see and hear, feel and smell all around you.  I love to see it develop a life of its own but now….I have no idea what has got into me …..but I feel I need…have to….write something I have never attempted before. 

          I should be working on the cover for the next novel, You Can Call Me Danny.  I can hardly wait to share it with you.  I think it is a story that is so different and one that might haunt; it might do many things but will definitely not be easy to forget…..but…

           I have to write this book and share these things from the heart that is not fiction.  I want to be able to have a voice and let these things from deep within my mind and soul and be more than things buried and lost.  I do not choose to write this.  I feel compelled to write it and not wait any longer.  I am doing it now.

           When I spoke of watching what we look for in life I shared thoughts that if we look for negative things or things that fill us with hurt and despair they can be found but if we remember at that same time to look a little more there are so many things all around us we might overlook or forget to take the time to really see and feel.

          I was once asked what are some things that make me smile?  When I look out and see the evening sky ablaze with color it always fills me with wonder and a feeling of appreciation for such beauty.  When I take the time to look at a flower and really see the sparkle of a drop of dew on the delicate petals it makes me smile.  When I hear the laughter of a child filled with life and innocence and love for all it makes me smile.  The touch of a my grandchild’s hand holding mine fills me with such love and hope the smile fills my soul.  When I hear the voice of a friend who has thought to remember me….Seeing the smile of the one that I love as he tells me he loves me too….makes me smile and feel hope.  When I look past the clouds of depression to see the ray of light showing me all of the wonderful things the good Lord provides I can truly appreciate the faint colors that tint the sky in the early morning sunrise knowing there is a new day.  I can understand that every day is precious and we each do have a purpose…we can not give up…not today.

    

What am I going to do?  I will do the very best that I can in what ever I can do.  I will not say that I am always right or do as I should do, but I will say that I am trying.  I want to write.  I want to have a voice.  I want to make a difference.  I wrote a poem many years ago and I would like to share it be cause the meanings are still very real for me.

The Rising Sun

Once the sun did rise and set,

And peace of soul and mind is let,

The body rests and sleeps so deep

At night our prayers and dreams to keep.

I think of times so long gone by,

and with a sort of silent sigh,

Remember joys and sorrows there,

But all in all the world was fair.

Then I think of times today.

I wish to change them in some way.

I am only one of many,

Try as I may can do little if any.

But in some way if I have tried,

To help someone who is sad or has cried,

I feel if I have helped but one,

I have served a purpose under the Rising Sun.

By Linda J. Nance

          I believe this.  If we help even one other person we have done something special.  Money or things we buy may come and go, but if we touch the heart of another person we have done something special.

          With that thought it brings me to try to explain part of what I hope to do.  I have always loved to write.   I want to talk about what inspires me to write.  I have written 3 novels, numerous short stories and poetry all of my life.  I am working on a fourth novel at this time, but there are other things that I write.  When I look and see a beautiful sunset, I feel the words coming to describe not only the sight and colors, but also the feeling it evokes.  When I see a small child at play or my beautiful grandchild laugh, it inspires words for the special time and sight before me. 

          When I see the sunset ablaze with colors and feel that the good Lord has given me a gift I not only feel words but the desire to create from me a thing of beauty.  There is one such watercolor painting I did years ago on a piece of typing paper with a child’s water color set I bought for 99 cents.  It is now the cover of my new novel Journey Home.  I found a way to share a story that I believe is not only entertaining but unique in it's own way and my painting shared with each and every person who has it.

          Does that make me an artist?  I like to sculpt.  You would be amazed what I can do with Play Doh.  I like it because it is not a typical artist medium.  It is a child’s clay to play.  I want to always keep the child in me alive because they can see wonder and amazement in things that many of us take for granted.  I plan to see what I can still do with it soon.

          As the years have passed I have found, that a person is many things.  They may be what their profession is and they receive monetary compensation for doing.  They may also be what they are required to do or assume the responsibility to do.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a daughter, sister, cousin, neighbor, friend, homemaker, grandmother {I really like that one}  and many other things.  Who am I?  What am I?  I would like to tell you that I have figured all of that out and know exactly who and what I am but I would be a liar.  I have no idea.  All I know for sure is that I have tried my best through my life and will continue to try to do and be the best I can be and help where I can.

          Am I a writer?  I used to hesitate.  I never assumed such a lofty title or description.  Now I say ….yes…..I write so I am a writer.  You might have a person who never had the opportunity for the education allowing them the proficiency to create a text that meets some criteria.  That does not mean that the words and thoughts or creations they may produce have no merit.  They too are writers.  When you feel the need and desire to put words to…..emotions….feelings….descriptions of events or people or things…and the desire to tell the story….you are a writer.  I realize that there is always hope where there is life and we have to keep trying, if not for ourselves then for those that we love.  Today is not the day that I will give up.  Today is not the day that I will die.  I believe that the good Lord has a plan for us all and I need to do the best that I can to reach out and make a difference in this life.  I may not know what the plan is that he has for me, but it is my responsibility to live the best life I can.  That includes not giving up.  I want to live, and do, and make dreams come true.  I want to let others know that their dreams can come true too.

          If I could have my wish come true in life I would be able to not only publish my writings, but be able to go and speak to let others know that they can make their dreams come true.  Every day that we are alive we should learn and try.  We are never too young or too old to try.  We have to believe.  We have to know that we can.   That is a big wish.

          I am still unsure who I am but I am trying to be all that I can be and do the best that  can.  What am I?  I still try to be who and what is required but I am also trying to be the best that I can of me.  I guess I am just Linda.

          I had always wanted to publish some of the things that I write but there came a time in life when life could be short and time almost gone.  I wanted to see at least on of the things that I had written become a real book and hold it in my hands.  The thoughts raced through my head as I tried to decide if I had this one chance, what would I choose to publish first? 

          Life Goes On is the first novel I published.  I want to write and share many things but time was short.  When I wrote Life Goes On I wanted to find a way to write a story that held the interest of the reader but do more than that.  I wanted to write something that could be real enough that the reader knew the characters and could see what they saw and feel with the people in the story.  I wanted to write a story that people could relate to or empathize with.

          With the problems that so many are experiencing at this time in history and with life in general, this story might reach out and be something that others could relate to.  I wanted to write the best story that I could but I wanted to be able and find a way to do more.  I wanted to be able to reach out and try to make this book something special.  In this story we see that there are consequences to our actions and decisions and those may be far reaching affecting those we love and are close to as well as our selves.  It is not a story of all the right choices and they live happily ever after.  It is a story of a family in difficult times trying to find a way to live their lives as Life Goes On. 

     This is a start.  I will have to read and reread and edit and continue with the story of my story but I wanted to share this with you.  I am trying to do the cover for my next Novel You Can Call Me Danny.  I love it and can hardly wait to see it become a reality but I really felt the need to write these things.  I never dreamed I would write other than poetry and fiction.  I wanted my stories to be interesting and do not lead an overly interesting and wildly exciting life.....but then again....I am alive and that is exciting.  There is so much more that I want to do and I am still trying.  I hope you all have a wonderful day.

LOOKING BACK

LOOKING BACK

Many years ago we went on a family vacation.  One of the things I enjoyed was riding on as real old time steam engine.  There is a place in northern Ark where you can ride the train that is now used to give tourist the opportunity to experience the sights, sounds, and feelings from the past and occasionally they use it making movies.

My parents had given me a camera and explained to only take special pictures and make each one the best that you can.  I understand now it is to help prevent me from taking every and any picture I could click and later they pay to develop pictures of floors and other strange things.

The years had passed, but I still had the little camera and used it to take many memorable pictures for me and my family.  This trip was filled with wonderful moments shared with not only my children but parents and Grandfather.  He was an amazing man of heart, soul, and a gift of sharing with others.  Riding on an old fashioned steam engine train brought back memories for him and he began to share the tales from the past.  They had a man who told interesting facts about many things including the train.  The shock and amazement on his face would have made a fantastic picture but I was shocked at the same time.

The seats were all facing the front of the train.  My Grandfather slid his hand down touching the ornate bracket on the seat, asked me to sand for a moment and like magic the seat back rotated to face the opposite direction.  I thought he had broken the antique seat as ……did the tour narrator judging by the expression on his face.

Grandpa laughed and explained that many of the runs went from town to town and back in those days.  They did not want to try to turn every car around for the return trip and the people would not want to all ride facing backwards.  The hinged seats were the answer.  He went on to explain about many things he remembered as a very young child.  Everyone in the passenger car listened and was smiling as he shared the memories of the past.  You could almost see the little boy who had gone with his father who was the conductor. 

It was a day filled with wonder and shared memories.  Of all the pictures there is one that I would like to share.  At one point I went to the back of the train and stood on the little area at the back of the caboose.  I took my picture as the track faded into the distance.  I could almost hear and feel the time fade into the past and heard the echoes of the stories I had heard from my grandfather and great-grandfather.

Now as I grow older I have found myself often viewing times past in life.  At family reunions as a child I would often hear the OLD” folks say….”I remember when…” and “Back in my day we…” and so on.  Now when I go to gatherings and sit back and listen…we the children of the past are saying….”I remember when….and  Back in my day….”  I have to smile.

 In my heart I still keep a spot for that child that took such delight in the intricate beauty of a delicate blossom of a wild flower or the fluttering beauty of a butterfly.  I still like to play with playdoh and only wish I could run, walk go out and about and enjoy the beauty and wonder that surrounds us in nature.

I am not done.  I may be getting older but I am not yet old….(Except on some days when it seems almost to difficult to go on)  There are also those days.  I have often talked about not giving up and that we should keep trying.  I fully believe all of those things and more but there are also times that are so hard, and painful, and filled with emotions that seem dark and filled with despair. 

At those times I tend to look back at many things.  I look back to when I could walk and run and play all day.  I can remember but not quite feel the excitement at being alive….  They I remember special people in my life and good times that seemed so magic.  Memory can be a double edged sword because so many of those I loved are gone from me now.  So many I trusted, betrayed and some that I tried to help, took advantage.  Hopes and dreams that seemed so bright faded with time or evolved from dreams into nightmares. 

That is a dark place emotionally to be.  If I stayed there long I would not be long for this world.  I really believe that what is in our minds and hearts greatly affects our health.  We have to be alive in our hearts and souls to be alive in our lives.  More than our physical mortality is a living death of life with no purpose.  I ask why am I still here?  What am I supposed to do?  What good am I to anyone?  There are times I am so sure I am nothing but a burden to all around me.  I feel more tolerated than loved and wonder if life is really worth working so hard to continue.  The day I decide to go on in the next life, all I have to do is quit working and trying so hard to go on.  What good am I to anyone?

Well….I do not have all of the answers.  I can say things that I think and feel and hope that in someway it might help another to know they are not alone.  If it even helps one person…then I did have a purpose.  I do not share these things here to make myself feel better.  Some say that writing helps to work out our problems.  I love to write and would no matter what but posting them for the world is no help for me….it is my way to share…me.  If I can share things that might touch another or even for a moment help them to think or feel better it is worth it.

 Life can be so busy we forget to take the time to really look.  Do we really look around us?  No matter what is going on, there is beauty all around us.  We can marvel at the beauty of a sunrise or blazing sunset that paints the sky.  We can appreciate the delicate beauty of a flower or butterfly.  We can take the time to see the excitement in a young child, or the magical affects of their smiles, laughter or loving touch of their hand in yours.

Life can be so difficult and painful but it is also a gift.  What we do with that is our choice.  I want to be able to reach out to others and hopefully make a positive difference.  I want to have a voice and know I do not sit here alone in silence.  I want to live and be alive every day of my life.  I would like to see others take heart, hope and not give up.  Believe.  We have to believe.

In the things that I have published and will publish I am trying to share.  I want to write the best stories possible to allow the reader to sit back and see, feel and be there.  I want each and every story to be one they will enjoy and remember.  Accomplishing the feat of making my simple words into books is sharing my dream.  It is a dream you can hold in your hand and share with a friend.  It is a dream to see the cover and enjoy all that is between front and back. 

Each of my covers is also something I share.  The first is from a photo I took over 20 years ago.  The second is one of my paintings.  The children’s book is pastels and charcoal in all of the illustrations and cover that I did.  The one I am doing next I will have to see what I can come up with.  I hope you enjoy these things I share and also that it might touch you in some way.  I pray it might make a difference. 

I will not give up…not today.  I do believe….in many things.  I hope you have a wonderful day filled with smiles, laughter, and dreams that can come true….and pass it on to others.

I hope you stop by and see the books and information at Amazon or the many other sites.  You can ask at any bookstore too.

http://www.amazon.com/Linda-Nance/e/B004PVDVR4/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1326982811&sr=1-1

  If you get time to stop by the fan page I set up I shared many things there and would love to hear your comments. 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Linda-Nance-Fan-Page/162224753802546